The terminology of gay bottoms confuses me. What exactly am I as a bottom? (Edited)

     

I was asked this question today, again on Twitter, this time about the language, or terms, or even the dichotomy of terms we use to describe men who bottom sexually: meaning they get fucked-- point blank. I believe there are difference in terms, slight as they may be-- or as vast they maybe depending one's personally journey into that term, thinking and understanding. What is so uniquely wonderful, in my opinion is is each of our journeys is so vastly different. That there is no right way, or wrong way; just OUR way and that is perfectly fine as no one knows you better than you, just saying, henny!

Will start super simple, and work our way up. I also know, that I might not be able to cover every term out there, but I'll do they ones I think that are common.

Bottom- a man who gets fucked in the ass by other men. Period. Can be gay, can be bisexual, can be on the down low, can be straight, can be curious-- as long as he is a man getting fucked, he's a bottom. At least occasionally especially if he is versatile, which is a whole other post into itself.

Picky Bottom- just that. Very picky about who, why, when, where, how they get fucked. Standards at times can be way too high and if this happens NO tops meet the requirements they have. Most have very strict rules about getting fucked and they ARE to be followed... or else no boi pussy for you.

Whore, Slut, Tramp- any bottom who is easy to fuck. Maybe too easy too, or at least regarded that way. The words here are interchangeable for me. It can also mean that he sleeps around a lot, with a lot of men. May have little to no standards of who, when, where, how or even why... just bend over and take it.

The issue here is societal shaming even within our own gay community about being any one of these things, let alone a bottom. There is a whole post on bottom shaming on this blog--- if you'd like to read more on the topic. But, when it comes to shaming. Oh HELL NO! Not today Satan! Not today! Who are you to tell me what is or is not too much sex? Seriously, the sex police. I think not. Our sexual needs are our own. If I choose to sleep 1,095 men a year, or three a day that's my own damn business and not yours! If you're judging me, you're probably some frigid bitch not getting DICK!

Power bottom-  is a term that gets thrown around a lot by people in our community, yet few truly understand what this phrase really means. Well, I’m here to give you the definition so that you have the lingo right. If you are a true power bottom, you are gay man who has a huge appetite for being penetrated by another guy (or guys). You can last for extended periods of time without having to take breaks.

Power bottoms tend to last longer in the sack when the top is confident during intense jack-hammering (read between the lines). Power bottoms are ready to take it day or night and commonly like to skip a lot of foreplay and get right down to the business of being fucked.

Let’s first dispense with some of the common myths that are often associated with being a power bottom. While I can’t list them all, here are some of the biggies.

Power bottoms are:

Effeminate: A lot of people seem to think that guys who power bottom are “queens” or “big girls”. That’s totally false. I would argue that guys who mostly or exclusively bottom are perhaps some of the most masculine guys on the planet. This myth can be traced to harmful stereotypes about gay men – pure and simple. However, if you are like me I am effeminate and I have no shame in being so. You'll hear me say during sex, "fuck my pussy". If your effeminate embrace it and celebrate it there is nothing wrong in being a " big girl".

Selfish: I’ve had friends say that power bottoms are big time selfish whores. This one is BS too. That’s because being a power bottom isn’t so much about the activity but instead, about the mindset. Just because we like to bend over doesn’t mean we can’t or won’t top. It does mean that we prefer to ride a guy and doing so for long periods of time. This one is also can be a positive attribute in my opinion, as I am selfish: meaning I want all the tops for myself, and there's nothing there either.

Pain: Perhaps the worst stereotype associated with this bit of lingo relates to physical pain. For some stupid reason, a lot of gay tops have it in their mind that power bottoms don’t feel pain. I’m here to tell you that’s total B.S. because we do. It DOES hurt if you just jam it in or suddenly yank it out. Nothing pisses me off more than a top thinking he can do whatever he wants to me because the guy thinks I’m impervious to pain, you know? And I hate to break it to you, but not all of us are hooked on crystal meth, causing us to get “tina dick”. I don’t know if that myth came from videos or an urban legend but it’s crap.

Submissive: Continuing on with the stereotypes, power bottoms can be submissive but that doesn’t mean they are totally submissive. Sure, I suppose if you hypnotize one of us, we could turn into some freakish zombie bottom but in the real world, that’s not been my experience. Some of us are very "take charge" kind of guys as we know how we like to get fucked, and we'll do anything to get it that way, even if we do have to take charge.

Slutty: Finally, not all guys who are power bottoms are slutty. I hate when gay men think this but apparently, many do. Remember, it’s not about the number of guys we can take but instead, our ability to be ready and last for the long term. If you are a slut like me, embrace it, celebrate it and let no one shame you in being one. Be the biggest slut you can be,

To be this type of bottom, it means you have personal POWER. Here, I am talking about a high degree of self-esteem and self-worth. Not the other way around.

Power Bottom Truths

As mentioned earlier, a gay man who identifies as a power bottom has adopted a mindset. This way of thinking takes years to develop and has nothing to do with the top’s size or girth.

Instead, it’s about the tops ability to jump into action at a moment’s notice, allowing someone like me to be equally ready.

This means we’ve educated ourselves about digestive health, allowing us to do our thing without worry.

What really pisses me off is running into guys on hookup apps like Grindr and Scruff who claim they are power bottoms when they simply aren’t.

Just because you rode a guy for 20 minutes doesn’t entitle you to claim the label. And so what if you can sit on a giant toy! That doesn’t mean you are one either!

So gay men everywhere, please, for the love of all that is good, please stop calling yourself a power bottom when you aren’t.

This is a very special title and should be reserved for gay men who have put in years of effort while educating themselves on how to be masters of their craft. 

Similar in some regards to a bottom, but a specific variety of bottom... like the rest of bottom terms. A power bottom tends to be the one in charge, and feels most powerful when the are getting fucked. He enjoys maintaining control over penetration. The bottom is on the throne, so to speak, "taking the Top". Leaves no question about who fucked whom. The result with many disappointing "stellar tops" who may not know how to rim or like to rim, or won't rim, couldn't find your prostrate with eleven fingers, and high resolution maps of my pussy; and either cum or pass out from exhaustion after three to five minutes of fucking. Power bottoms are in my opinion: supposedly have skilled tongues, creative, honest supremely confident and themselves as a bottom, and hands on individual leadership abilities. 

Cum Dump- Related terms are cum dumpster, cum whore, cum guzzler, cum bucket. Can be a very affectionate term of endearment by the right guy. Within the gay community often used to describe a very constantly horny, bottom gay guy who is used by men for his body and nothing else. He is just the vessel in which men deposit their semen when they are getting fucked they LIVE for the cream pie ie: being bred, getting pregnant, white washing the walls all terms for taking his cum in your pussy. 

This term can be used frequently within the bareback (unsafe rectal sex) community as it requires condom-less sex. The term went out of fashion for a period of time during the height of the AIDS epidemic, but with the advancement of PREP, medications to prevent HIV/AIDS, the term has come back bigger than ever. Cum dumps can be found easily at orgies, bath houses or gay sex clubs, hook up apps and infrequently at gay bars. I WILL not advocate for or against doing this in real life, that is your decision. Your an adult. And I'm not your Daddy, your lover, or your husband.

Faggot- from what little of the term, as I understand it... and I could be wrong... is someone who has absolutely no limits when it comes to sex. Degrading.... yes. Humiliating... yes. Lick a "scuzzy" looking toilet bowl yes. Pissed on... yes. You get the idea. The more you do to this guy the more he loves it, thrives in it and enjoys it. A combination of all the other terms thrown in for this guy, plus terms I may have forgotten. Years ago during the Queer Nation Movement the term also gave us power in ways we never had it before. Hence the name of this blog. I'm gay. I have sex with men... actually a lot of it. With any man wanting to fuck me. I'm the one getting it up the ass; but by god I enjoy it and want it. No apologies. In your face... fuck your attitude.

Pussyboy- Finally, my favorite term of all time! You know this if you follow me on Twitter at all. I Tweet about being pussy all the time. 

Go read my other posts about being a pussyboy before reading this one, as I think it will make more sense that way, because I've grown into my acceptance so much since those posts.

I've written about it extensively on here what I want to do with this post is state what I learned. I met a guy very close to where I live.. not saying where, or who, or how we met--- but I arrived at his door and he was stark naked, gorgeous. HUGE cock!

I got naked and for the next three HOURS it was nonstop ass play. He fucked me stupid with his eight inch, raw cock. He used big toys on me. But the most action my pussy got was his HANDS! They were magic. I felt things I've never felt before. My headspace was, "He's using me like the pussy I want to be. He fully gets me without my saying a single word." He nearly worked his fist in me... about two inches more and the widest part of his hand WOULD have been in my cunt. 

You read that right, cunt. He cunted me! He changed how I view myself forever. He cemented in my head that.... me the person... is absolutely nothing, if I can't be pussy for MEN than I am nothing! That I'm nothing but pussy, and the rest of me... is the life support that makes it possible for me to be pussy. He could have used me ALL damn day, and I still would have wanted more. And, that in all honesty is what I felt that day when it ended. That I wanted more. That I will do EVERY THING in my power to play with him again. I have too in my thinking, because I think each time I do my thinking will evolve and, my head space about being pussy will go deeper. Who knows what I'll think when I finally take his fist, but I'm sure it will be intense!

The nicest part of this whole experience as much as he was the BEST TOP I've ever had, he also cemented in my head I love being the "Daddy" playing in his boy's pussy as well; for as much as he gave... he also took. Now, I'm not saying he's pussy, because he never said anything remotely connected to being a pussyboy. I worked his ass just as good as he did mine.  But the idea of being a Daddy who loves playing in pussy as much or even more so having mine played with.... and I love it a lot... I enjoy playing in another's  pussy just as much. It doesn't make any less pussy myself.

The absolute HOTTEST thing we did, was both of us using a double headed dildo at the same time, both of us on our backs. It was so INSANELY hot! First time ever for me doing it, and I would do again with out a doubt!

I didn't say "pussy" as much as I wanted too in my dialogue with him as I wasn't completely sure if he was into my saying it or not... but my mind was screaming it at the top of my lungs a million times over... that's how I knew I had been fully, unapologetically cunted and my pussy and my mind knew it!

With all of this said about terms, and ideas I think we can should be a mix of our unique design. We can be all of these things... in more ways than one especially when we need to be that "term". It's just a label, and WE are just males who happen to get fucked my men.

How I can make my boy pussy as accessible and pleasurable for men as possible?

The full question I got recently is: "How can I make my boy  pussy as accessible and pleasurable for men as possible? I mean I have sex pretty often, but I want to get bred full of cum and maybe even piss <lol>. Used and abused."

There are a couple of things I want to say here. A few different ideas, and of course "address in the elephant in the room." The elephant of course is COVID-19, which for many has abruptly ended their sex life; forcing many to only "toy"/dildo use and while enough for some guys it is also sadly lacking for many others. Speaking for myself, I went into self isolation in March and only partially came out of it about two months ago. But for me, it is where I fully embraced myself, my identity as a pussyboy even though I've bottomed for years, where my embracing the language and thinking of pussyboys came from. It also brought my first prostrate orgasm and first hands free ejaculation. COVID-19 brought about a lot of self discovery and not just sexually. COVID-19 also for many hookup sites like Adam4Adam has dried up completely, and made connections impossible. The temporary bar closures and even limited hours didn't help any either. The closure of bath houses/sex clubs made it even worse.

There is a tip in my advice to bottom virgins about toy/dildo play that could apply here, as at the very least keep you "in prime working order", if you will. Although many of us grew tired and frustrated with only dildo play for months on end. I think however it can, and should be a normal part of your "sex life". The more familiar with and acquainted with how your boypussy works the better the sex you'll have. Also be willing to try different lengths and girths of dildos as each feels different, makes you respond differently, different sensations and many adore the "stretching" process. You'll know. My advice is go slow, they say quarter-inch increments at a time. Again if this is your "thing".

Diet and enema's as discussed in the same post would apply here. So would staying hairless, if that is your thing and that can be seen in the hair remover post from earlier in the blog. Some may even add exercise to this, as a fit boy is a happy one, and a fit boy is better "equipped" in the sack--- or so they say.

Access in my mind is not just being physically ready for bottoming at the drop of a hat but also mentally ready as well and that is different for everybody. It's the head space where your thinking more sexually than rationally, and that can be a good thing and a bad thing too. A lot of it depends on the individual person, unfortunately shame, guilt or doubts play a role when they should not. I'm not much into thinking a sexual compulsion, or even sexual addiction is a bad thing. It can be a great thing. Follow your inner voice, and needs--- I say listen to the needs of your pussy. Who am I to say to little is too little, or to much is too much? That varies too. For some getting fucked stupid twenty times a week is not enough, for others it's way too much.

As far as the mind/thinking go STOP feeling any shame or guilt for being a bottom. That's just crazy in my book. Tops needs bottoms and bottoms need tops. Without one the other doesn't really exist now does it? Also STOP feeling guilt for the amount of sex you have. I don't care if it's some crazy number. Guilt over sex is a religious concept, created and promoted by men--- repressed men with too much time on their hands in my opinion who should be having sex, or at the very least masturbating. Shame can ruin you. It's not worth it. It wastes your time and energy. Don't feel any of it!

I'd say post in online hookup apps, chatrooms for some hookups too although I think for many that's gone to the wayside too, cruise gay bars if you can or if open, sex clubs and bath houses are an option too--- if open as well. Some say they have luck posting for "partners/hookups" on Twitter. I've never been big on cruising toilets or parks as the risk of arrest is too high for me. If push comes to shove some even resort to hiring a pro, an escort--- if that is your thing. I'd check local laws as in some areas hiring an escort can be illegal.

If you feel at risk for HIV/AIDS go on PREP, get tested and for the rest of sexually transmitted diseases. Knowledge is power. 

Join a gay group: from baseball, to a gay community center group, again if they are available do to COVID-19.

I'm also one of those guys who always, always free-ball's or wears assless underwear for easier access, might sound silly--- but the less I have to take off, or put back on the happier I am.

As far as the used and "abused" idea goes be brutally honest with the guy/guys you are with about your desires, fantasies and yes, even your "needs". They will either be into it, or run fleeing. That's them though and not you, so DON'T take on their rejection of a bit "rougher" play. 

Set your limits, set your safe word and boundaries and have fun. There's this crazy notion that the tops set all of those ideas/rules as we are the "submissive" ones. That's a bunch of crap, especially in the case of a new relationship or "trick" who knows very little, or nothing about you. As the sub we set the rules, the guidelines, how far we want to go as we know our limits. We also have the right to say NO at anytime and the right to ask them to leave, especially if their just a trick, at anytime. I'm also going to say if the top crosses those lines it's abuse. Abuse is abuse is abuse--- uncalled for, unwanted, not agreed to or forced upon us is just wrong. Get out of that situation as fast as you can! 

https://1in6.org/helpline/  or call 1-877-628-1in6 the National Helpline for Men Who Were Sexually Abused or Assaulted

Ever run across bugchasers or guys that have a poz fetish?

This question is one I've never been asked before, so this might be a lengthy post, and I truly hope you stick around and read the full answer to that.

I've stated I am about to turn 54 in November. The sixteenth to be exact. The very first news story about HIV/AIDS, as it is called now was May 18th, 1981, while the first clinical AIDS case reported was June 5th, 1981. I was a mere 15 years old. In small town Ohio, population 2,000. What did I know, or for that matter, what did any of us know?

I've never had sex with a woman ever, never kissed one sexually either. I was 18 almost 19 the first time I ever had sex with a man, that was 1985. I knew I was going to bottom, even then I knew it was what I wanted. What I needed. We met at a gay bar. I was a cocktail waiter, he was a stripper. He was also 36. He was gorgeous, I was a naive kid in living for the first time in a big city. He bred me that first time, and every night and most mornings after that for three years. In time we became lovers with an open relationship, that included a former boyfriend of his, a gay bar owner. We became a throuple. They both bred me daily and sometimes more. We used to have small home orgies with friends every weekend. No more than 3 or 4 bottoms, myself included, and about 15 to 20 tops. Needless to say I got bred a lot.

There was no conversation about HIV/AIDS, or as it was called then GRID--- Gay Related Immune Deficiency. It seems we knew so little, took so few precautions and just simply fucked. It was about a good time. Booze, pills, pot, poppers and my pussy flooded. By mid 1986 the bar owner had died and a few friends from the community but life went on. By 1988 my lover died a mere 90 pounds and blind from kaposi sarcoma. His death trigged a cocaine addiction I battled till I was 26.

Moving from one big city to another, didn't stop me. Between the drinking and the cocaine I was at the baths, pussy up 3-4 times a week 10 hour stays each time, no top denied. Many times being to high to remember what or who I did.

I say all of this because now looking back at, even in those earliest days it was unspoken, unacknowledged, unaware fucking. Was I bug chasing, some could say yes, others could say no. I'm not sure. It was never a conversation that happened. Ever. It was the baths we were there to fuck, end of story. By July 16th, 1991 however I was diagnosed HIV positive and a year later it was Full Blown AIDS with six months to live.

However I met the huge love of my life, dried out, got on the right meds and lived through it 29 years later. But those first seven weeks of my life with my husband we went to 47 funerals of gay men with HIV/AIDS. It was fucking hell. And by 2002, when my husband of 10 years died of HIV Complications, I stopped counting the number of dead, at 600 lives.

So, who am I to judge anyone on anything. HIV/AIDS is completely different now, thank god. Lots of meds, normal life spans, life long chronic disease even. There's even prep. But did I make a conscience decision to get it, I honestly don't know. Some think once they get it, noting to worry about. That might not be the case as nobody, anywhere is studying the long term effects of this disease or the drugs. So there will be entire generations behind me living longer than I ever will with it that or left to their own defenses. Talk about fucked up.

True there is one less disease to worry about once your poz, but then it is t-cell counts and viral loads. People still die, even here in the USA of HIV/AIDS every day for various reasons. People are still contracting, and to a degree I can understand it, to another I can't. However, with that said, I can't imagine my life without it. It has literally made me into the man I am today. Kind, compassionate, caring, understanding, empathetic, loving, supportive, a shoulder to cry on and I don't know if I could be all of those things or not without this disease impacting my life, and my own body.

I'm not here to judge anyone, I cant, as they say, "Throw the first stone", as many more stones would come my own way. There are risks, there are complications, and even challenges. Would I do it all over again? I'm not sure about that either. I can't undo what was done. I can only move forward.

My big thing here though, I really want to stress is, if you are undetectable it also means you are UNTRANSMITTABLE! Meaning HIV/AIDS is not given or taken by you whether you top or bottom. Of course strains of HIV/AIDS also carry what medications you can be or not be on, but that bridge can be crossed. There are long time survivors like myself who can share experiences, advice, friendship and yes some of us, not all of us, only "play" with other poz guys. It's called serosorting. Is it right, who knows?

There are times I wish I didn't have AIDS, but I have beat the odds. I've lived. It has been filled with joy and pain, but so is life as a whole. If you're newly diagnosed I'm here for you. If you're a fellow longtime survivor I'm here for you. If your unsure I'm here for you too. It can be scary. It can be daunting. But I'm not about to tell anybody to do, or not do anything. It's between you, and your conscience, or your god, if you believe in one, in the first place.