How can I best find a daddy?

A Twitter follower DM'ed me this question today, and I have some insight and a little bit of history how I found the two greatest loves of my life.

As I said in a previous post I met my first lover in a gay bar. I was a cocktail waiter, he was a stripper. i was not quite 19 he was 36. We had three wonderful years before he died of AIDS in 1988. I wasn't even 21 when he died, and it left me totally destroyed.

The second man I met in 1992 because he took care of a mutual friend that died of AIDS in his home, surrounded by friends and family. We met because I wanted to make a panel for him for the AIDS Quilt. We hit it off instantly, had a commitment ceremony the following year and were together for 10 glorious years before he died of HIV Complications.

Years ago you cruised bars, baths, parks, gay campgrounds, the beaches, even grocery stores, or any were gay men gathered. The Advocate and other gay magazines and newspapers had ads in them--- way before internet. Friends would introduce you to men, set up blind dates. Some LGBTQ community centers would have single nights. It seemed easier.

Then the internet, changed everything. The advancement of cell phones changed the dating landscape even more. Some say for the better, some say for the worse. I guess it depends on your point of view, and if you're wanting a hook up, versus a date, versus something much longer. 

I think upfront honesty is key. An open dialogue sets the stage to wherever your connection takes you. Lay out your wants, needs, desires, even fantasies. I know it's risky, but it could pay off big time in the long haul. I'm still a bit "old fashioned" in meeting people, a few hook ups online, but I'm more the type to strike up a conversation in person wherever it is we run into each other, especially if it's clearly a "gay" area. I've had a few friends try to set me up too, god bless them for trying. I think it's hard to have good dialogue online, but maybe that's me, and maybe it's because I'm 54 and not 24. Mind you not that 54 is over the hill, as it is not. But social media has seriously impacted they way we connect with other people for the better and for the worse. Nothing beats getting together with friends at your home over food in my opinion. You can't really do that on your cell or laptop.

There are so many options to with gay groups like" baseball, bowling, football, gay pride events or volunteer or help organize the event, gay support groups---- you get the idea. Bars are still an option if you ask me, gay friendly churches from Metropolitan Community Churches, to gay groups in Jewish temples to even Dignity a gay Catholic group.

Get yourself out there, and fun. I always found for me, that I found love when I wasn't even really looking.

Why would a top pull out and come on my back/on my stomach?

I'm pissed. Why would a top pull out and come on my back/on my stomach? I mean, he already fucks me bare...why not fill me pussy up? Or, my mouth. I swallow.

I saw this question on Twitter, in my feed and I knew I wanted to answer this very badly; as I feel many ask this question and at times far too often and many times. As a "fellow bottom" over the decades I've asked my self this question and it always deeply bothers me when it happens. I've always barebacked. It is a rare occasion a condom goes in my pussy, but when it does I get it guys are scared, still forty years later into a disease. I try not to take that personally either, especially in hook up encounters where very little is said about anything.

Personally, even in gay porn, I hate when a top pulls out cums across a guys back or ass, and then tries to shove it back in. It seems a huge waste to me. But porn, I guess it's to easy to fake it, guys want to see the money shot; with all of that said I'd rather see drip out of a guys pussy then anything. But even that seems a waste to me as well. So many of cherish the sperm we get in us, we try to keep it in us as long as possible and I get it. We worked for it, we earned it, it's ours now and we aren't letting go.

For me, personally, my goal, if he is barebacking me, it to do everything in my power to get him to breed and or seed me. It proves to me he enjoyed the fuck, my pussy, and I did everything right to "earn" it. He doesn't do it, then I see it as my fault for not doing something right and I take that "burden" on myself.

The VERY rare occasion I have topped, I make a deposit too. Because I don't want that bottom feeling what I feel. However, I'll do my best here to try to give some answers as to why they may pull out.

Maybe the top likes seeing his load on a guys ass, balls, chest face or wherever that isn't internal.

Maybe he thinks you may not want bred, even if you are barebacking. Believe it or not all bareback bottoms want bred. Many reasons, I'm sure.

Maybe he likes shoving it back in.

Maybe he wants you to swallow it instead. Or a facial.

Or  who knows why.

Maybe we should simply say in the midst of the fuck, "breed me. Don't pull out." Problem solved hopefully, but then again because you said it the top may feel like depriving you of what you want most of all. It seems like a mind game now that I think about it.

For many of us yes we're thankful we get fucked, realize it is up to the top to do what he does and our needs matter little to them; and some of us get off on that as well. However, others of us end up feeling worse then we did before even fantastic sex. For me, and this is just me, I do want want them cumming in me; but I know deep down it's about them, not me or my wants or quite frankly my pussy. They breed me, well, it's just icing on the cake.

More Than I Bargained For?

 Question: I said I was a sub bottom, and when asked said I would obey, and then when I go over to his place there are actually 3 guys that was never mentioned, is this OK? He says when I was asked my limits I did not say anything about it, so He is right. Is it ok that I stayed?

There's a few things here that I think need addressed.

First, you're under the assumption that the guy you are into, that it is just going to be him, not him and three unknown others. It could be construed a bit missing leading to some, while others would take it as very misleading. Some may have even fled in horror. However, with that said, many may have found the other three guys as a "perk", if you will, especially if they were versatile and willing to top you, if that is what you wanted. I would also add here, does he assume that you'll be submissive to the others as well, and you need to know this up front. That for many by itself is a deal breaker, as you hadn't planned on "pleasing" four men. However, then again, for some it is a big bonus.

Next, I think the key for me would have been if I was attracted to the "extra guys", or if I was feeling especially a whore out for a great time. But then too I may not have even thought about too much about the other guys, and what drew me in the first place the "daddy" I was going to serve. Since, I'm the whore type I would have see the whole thing as a huge turn especially if I left with added loads in me. For me though, and it is a bit "challenging" to say this, so bear with me, but as awful as this may sound it isn't so much about the guy or the guys I end up with but the outcome of the connection---meaning my getting fucked and bred, end of story. There have been times especially in a sex club setting I never see their face, but then again without my glasses on my distance vision is not the greatest. For me it's more about serving them to get my needs met, and I'll do what I need to, to make that happen. Have I turned guys away, yeah I have.... and maybe that's a different topic entirely.

Obeying four guys can be challenging, especially if they are competitive in nature. How do you split the time between them? All at once, one at a time, in pairs; there are so many options to this and all of them with unique and different outcomes and varying degrees of pleasure for everyone involved. However, before my clothes came off I'd be very clear what my limits are, what my safe word is and if those are crossed that I'm out of here.

My big thing here is he should have mentioned three others, even if briefly, to see if it's something you were into. However, that in and of itself, especially if you're the shy type may have scared you away. It would have made the beginning a bit smoother, if you will; you a bit more prepared as well. Hopefully, somehow, everyone either verbally or through body language and or actions got what they wanted as well. Here you are though at his house, making the trip, walking through his door, knowing your going to get fucked, and bingo----- three more guys. Lord knows how this turned out, and I'm truly hoping to your best advantage. But being the whore I am I would have seen the whole thing as a mini orgy, and me hopefully the only pussyboy.

You chose to stay, you had your reasons, your motives, and your goals for that period of time and whatever the outcome--- even if that meant more than four loads up your boypussy, you shouldn't feel ashamed, embarrassed, or taken advantage of. Hopefully the heat of the moment is what drove the affair, hopefully you got what you wanted or needed as well as them. You followed your "gut", if you will; or maybe you listened to the still small voice of your pussy..... I know I would have.