How I can make my boy pussy as accessible and pleasurable for men as possible?

The full question I got recently is: "How can I make my boy  pussy as accessible and pleasurable for men as possible? I mean I have sex pretty often, but I want to get bred full of cum and maybe even piss <lol>. Used and abused."

There are a couple of things I want to say here. A few different ideas, and of course "address in the elephant in the room." The elephant of course is COVID-19, which for many has abruptly ended their sex life; forcing many to only "toy"/dildo use and while enough for some guys it is also sadly lacking for many others. Speaking for myself, I went into self isolation in March and only partially came out of it about two months ago. But for me, it is where I fully embraced myself, my identity as a pussyboy even though I've bottomed for years, where my embracing the language and thinking of pussyboys came from. It also brought my first prostrate orgasm and first hands free ejaculation. COVID-19 brought about a lot of self discovery and not just sexually. COVID-19 also for many hookup sites like Adam4Adam has dried up completely, and made connections impossible. The temporary bar closures and even limited hours didn't help any either. The closure of bath houses/sex clubs made it even worse.

There is a tip in my advice to bottom virgins about toy/dildo play that could apply here, as at the very least keep you "in prime working order", if you will. Although many of us grew tired and frustrated with only dildo play for months on end. I think however it can, and should be a normal part of your "sex life". The more familiar with and acquainted with how your boypussy works the better the sex you'll have. Also be willing to try different lengths and girths of dildos as each feels different, makes you respond differently, different sensations and many adore the "stretching" process. You'll know. My advice is go slow, they say quarter-inch increments at a time. Again if this is your "thing".

Diet and enema's as discussed in the same post would apply here. So would staying hairless, if that is your thing and that can be seen in the hair remover post from earlier in the blog. Some may even add exercise to this, as a fit boy is a happy one, and a fit boy is better "equipped" in the sack--- or so they say.

Access in my mind is not just being physically ready for bottoming at the drop of a hat but also mentally ready as well and that is different for everybody. It's the head space where your thinking more sexually than rationally, and that can be a good thing and a bad thing too. A lot of it depends on the individual person, unfortunately shame, guilt or doubts play a role when they should not. I'm not much into thinking a sexual compulsion, or even sexual addiction is a bad thing. It can be a great thing. Follow your inner voice, and needs--- I say listen to the needs of your pussy. Who am I to say to little is too little, or to much is too much? That varies too. For some getting fucked stupid twenty times a week is not enough, for others it's way too much.

As far as the mind/thinking go STOP feeling any shame or guilt for being a bottom. That's just crazy in my book. Tops needs bottoms and bottoms need tops. Without one the other doesn't really exist now does it? Also STOP feeling guilt for the amount of sex you have. I don't care if it's some crazy number. Guilt over sex is a religious concept, created and promoted by men--- repressed men with too much time on their hands in my opinion who should be having sex, or at the very least masturbating. Shame can ruin you. It's not worth it. It wastes your time and energy. Don't feel any of it!

I'd say post in online hookup apps, chatrooms for some hookups too although I think for many that's gone to the wayside too, cruise gay bars if you can or if open, sex clubs and bath houses are an option too--- if open as well. Some say they have luck posting for "partners/hookups" on Twitter. I've never been big on cruising toilets or parks as the risk of arrest is too high for me. If push comes to shove some even resort to hiring a pro, an escort--- if that is your thing. I'd check local laws as in some areas hiring an escort can be illegal.

If you feel at risk for HIV/AIDS go on PREP, get tested and for the rest of sexually transmitted diseases. Knowledge is power. 

Join a gay group: from baseball, to a gay community center group, again if they are available do to COVID-19.

I'm also one of those guys who always, always free-ball's or wears assless underwear for easier access, might sound silly--- but the less I have to take off, or put back on the happier I am.

As far as the used and "abused" idea goes be brutally honest with the guy/guys you are with about your desires, fantasies and yes, even your "needs". They will either be into it, or run fleeing. That's them though and not you, so DON'T take on their rejection of a bit "rougher" play. 

Set your limits, set your safe word and boundaries and have fun. There's this crazy notion that the tops set all of those ideas/rules as we are the "submissive" ones. That's a bunch of crap, especially in the case of a new relationship or "trick" who knows very little, or nothing about you. As the sub we set the rules, the guidelines, how far we want to go as we know our limits. We also have the right to say NO at anytime and the right to ask them to leave, especially if their just a trick, at anytime. I'm also going to say if the top crosses those lines it's abuse. Abuse is abuse is abuse--- uncalled for, unwanted, not agreed to or forced upon us is just wrong. Get out of that situation as fast as you can! 

https://1in6.org/helpline/  or call 1-877-628-1in6 the National Helpline for Men Who Were Sexually Abused or Assaulted

#3rdgenderpussy REVISED

I've had a lot of time to think lately, and I had this idea that as bottom gay men (ie: pussyboys, men who view/think of their anuses as pussy that for a lot of us we simply see ourselves only that way). See my post about being a pussy boy for more thoughts on it. Anyway, I've had three conversations this week about us being not male or female, but something very uniquely different. All mindset mostly, but also sexually. The idea that while male we are not men, just maybe boys; yet possess a pussy but not quite female either, although many of us think of ourselves as girls/gurls.

There is the whole idea that being feminine or "girly" and a male is a bad thing, something to be despised, ridiculed, reviled and seen as downright disgusting. I say bullshit! What or who gets to decide those things? Seriously, have you ever thought about that? None of us are the same, thankfully nor are we all created on the same level-- another shocking idea but guess what it's all ok. Men/males are allowed to cry, show emotion, enjoy things deemed feminine, see ourselves and behave as such and nothing is wrong with that either. There is is the whole idea too that women/females or anything in anyway related to them is seen as negative in regard to masculinity and I say bullshit to that too! That as males/boys, or what have you, that we can not and should not see our anuses as pussies or cunts or anything other feminine slang and I say bullshit to that too.

Not all bottoms are pussy. Controversial idea, for some I am sure, but for me it seems to be the truth. As pussyboys the vast majority of us only use "feminine" terms, if you will, for our anus/rectums---- pussy, cunt, twat gash or some combination of those words with others like boypussy/bussy/ and even mussy (short for manpussy, for those of us to old to not to be "boys", although boy is a state of mind as well). Not all bottoms think like this, nor do they want to for that matter, language for them is no "big" issue and may be just be simple "hole" and or "ass" end of story. Then the people in between the two ideas who may or may not fall into either group fully. 

A fair amount of us put ourselves, or our tops/Daddies put us into chastity locking/controlling the use of of our dicks although "unique" language can apply here as well i.e.: dicklet, cocklet, nub, clit, clitty, nubbin or other language that may fit that person best. But then again not all of us do that either, however here in the last three months I've noticed a "trend" in gay porn videos where the bottom stays completely limp while getting fucked silly. Maybe it's a nod to this idea of just their pussy being used or not, or that the use of their pussy outweighs actual ejaculation or not, or who knows the real reason why. I find it fascinating and intriguing to say the very least. Maybe it's because all our focus is on our pussy being fucked, maybe, like me, I find it easier getting fucked while limp.

My twitter explodes in likes, retweets, comments each time I refer to us as "girls" and I get it big time. The idea of pussyboys being girlie/feminine is a huge thing and I'm beginning to understand it in ways I never have given much thought about until recently. The idea of having feminine features: soft, hairless, docile, submissive, passive, non-confrontational, desiring to fully satisfy those we serve, a "weaker sex" even if you will, wearing lace panties, crossing our legs when sitting. Certainly not men, maybe not even male or even "boy" but something uniquely different, unique and wonderful. Again this is not certainly everyone who bottoms because the range of those who bottom is vast, diverse and no two people are thankfully exactly alike. How boring would that be? Add to this, as I believe I did in my post about being a pussyboy, lacy frilly "girlie" things like thigh highs, garters, lace panties/crotchless included, lingerie and even high-heels you can see the draw to being "girls". However, as I believe in my post about being pussyboys, anything beyond the aforementioned items, just my opinion, become something else: crossdressing, drag, impersonation, transgender in all of it's varying degrees and with all of their thinking/attitudes/beliefs and what they all bring to the table of diversity.

There is also has been a lot of talk about service this week too on Twitter, and for some of us being of service goes way beyond the sexual as well, and I get that too. There is is this whole idea of the 1950's Submissive that some people fall into, and that could be another post at another time for the sake of length here. 

But for me, personally, the biggest service I can be, the one that fulfills me in ways that normal service at times seems to lacks is being sexual. Meaning, naked, on all fours, my pussy high in the air and being used sexually as merely pussy. Sexual service for me is everything, it is why I bottomed the very first time I had sex, and why I 98% of the time bottom now. I view myself as HAVING pussy, meaning I want, need, desire, thrive and yes even fully live as a full and happy person with a dick/dicks, and yes even load/loads up my pussy. I was born to be pussy, meaning I'm happy with what I've been given, not questioning my gender but knowing full well as being gay, a bottom, a "boy", if you will--- which I believe is about state of mind versus age. That I was born to be fucked my men, and don't take offense in my my saying this; but by as many that WANT to fuck me. Basically a whore.

@fagdevon of Twitter tweeted out: "I’m nothing more than a life support system for my cunt. It’s meant to bring real Men pleasure!!" Immediate like and retweet from me because he gets it big time. That even his physical body is nothing more that the support system for being nothing more than cunt/pussy. I've felt this way since March myself, as nothing more than that and as I said above feel truly fulfilled when I'm like that, maybe it's the whore in me as I've also stated. It simply began because of a Pornhub video in which Devin Franco is called "pussy" back in March 2020, near the start of my self-isolation because of COVID-19. A whole new world was opened to me, a whole new way of thinking, and knowing very deep within me it was me, and has been me for decades, going to the very first time I was fucked.

If you follow me on Twitter I tweet mostly about being pussy, celebrating it, embracing it, claiming it and yes empowering us. No need for shame in my mind, or guilt even. It is innately who we are, a third gender, two-spirit person and in that thinking---just merely pussy. Can it be an option like on the census or something, just saying. My thinking also leads me to this idea that every tweet I send out it is going to include the hashtag #3rdgenderpussy actually thought up by @fagdevon, so thanks for that Devon. Devon and I had a conversation on Twitter about my findings on Native American thinking, historically, of being third-gender or what they term now as two-spirited as it "seems" more appropriate in our age of "political correctness/politeness". Once I began researching though I was fascinated by the idea and that this thinking goes back hundreds of years.

Below if you're interested is a brief history on two-spirit or third gender as they also call it and I think it supports my thinking, from a modern and historical point of view. I hope you get the thinking as well, and if it you that you too can take on this thinking as well.

Two-Spirit (also two spirit or, occasionally, two-spirited) is a modern, pan-Indian, umbrella term  used by some Indigenous North Americans to describe Native people in their communities who fulfill a traditional third-gender or other gender-variant which os a ceremonial and social role in their cultures.

The term two-spirit was created in 1990 at the Indigenous lesbian and gay international gathering in Winnipeg. The primary purpose of coining a new term was to encourage the replacement of the outdated and considered offensive, anthropological term, berdache. 

The term two-spirit is thus an Aboriginal-specific term of resistance to colonization and non-transferable to other cultures. There are several underlying reasons for two spirited Aboriginals' desire to distance themselves from the mainstream queer community." For Aboriginal people, their sexual orientation or gender identity is secondary to their ethnic identity. At the core of contemporary two-spirit identities is ethnicity, an awareness of being Native American as opposed to being white or being a member of any other ethnic group.

Berdache, in a very broad manner, is to identify an indigenous individual fulfilling one of many mixed gender roles in their tribe. Often in their writings they applied this term to any male who they perceived to be homosexual, bisexual, or effeminate, leading to a wide variety of diverse individuals being categorized under this imprecise term. At times they incorrectly implied that these individuals were intersex (or, hermaphrodites. The term berdache has always been repugnant to Indigenous people. De Vries writes, "Berdache is a derogatory term created by Europeans and perpetuated by anthropologists to define Native American who varied from Western norms that perceive gender, sex, and sexuality as binaries and inseparable." It derives from the French bardache meaning "passive homosexual", or even boy prostitute.

Nations and tribes used various words to describe various genders, sexes and sexualities. Many had separate words for the Western constructs of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, intersex individuals, cross-dressers, transgenders, gender-variant individuals, or "changing ones," third genders (men who live as women), and fourth genders (women who live as men) Even these categories are limiting, because they are based on Western language and ideas rooted in a dichotomous relationship between gender, sex, and sexuality. This language barrier limits our understanding of the traditional roles within Native American/First Nations culture.

It implies that the individual is both male and female and that these aspects are intertwined within them. The term moves away from traditional Native American/First Nations cultural identities and meanings of sexuality and gender variance. It does not take into account the terms and meanings from individual nations and tribes. ... Although two-spirit implies to some a spiritual nature, that one holds the spirit of two, both male and female, traditional Native Americans/First Nations peoples view this as a Western concept.

Several First Nations people describe themselves as very much unitary, neither "male" nor "female," much less a pair in one body. Nor did they report an assumption of duality within one body as a common concept within reservation communities; rather, people confided dismay at the Western proclivity for dichotomies. Outside Indo-European-speaking societies, "gender" would not be relevant to the social personae glosses "men" and "women," and "third gender" likely would be meaningless. The unsavory word "berdache" certainly ought to be ditched (Jacobs et al. 1997:3-5), but the urban American neologism "two-spirit" can be misleading.

With the urbanization and assimilation of Native peoples, individuals began utilizing Western terms, concepts, and identities, such as gay, lesbian, transgender, and intersex. These terms separated Native cultural identity from sexuality and gender identity, furthering a disconnect felt by many Native American/First Nations peoples in negotiating the boundaries of life between two worlds (Native and non-Native/Western). The term two-spirited was created to reconnect one's gender or sexual identity with her or his Native identity and culture....

Some Native Americans/First Nations people that hold to more traditional religious and cultural values view two-spirit as a cultural and social term, rather than one with any religious or spiritual meaning. ... Since historically, many "two-spirit" individuals held religious or spiritual roles, the term two spirit creates a disconnection from the past. The terms used by other tribes currently and historically do not translate directly into the English form of two spirit or the Ojibwe form of niizh manidoowag.

While some have found the term a useful tool for intertribal organizing, "the concept and word two-spirit has no traditional cultural significance".

With over 500 surviving Native American cultures, attitudes about sex and gender can be diverse.^[4] Even with the modern adoption of pan-Indian terms like two-spirit, and the creation of a modern pan-Indian community around this naming, not all cultures will perceive two-spirits the same way, or welcome a pan-Indian term to replace the terms already in use by their cultures. Additionally, not all contemporary Indigenous communities are supportive of their gender-variant and non-heterosexual people now. In these communities, those looking for two-spirit community have sometimes faced oppression and rejection. While existing terminology in many nations shows historical acknowledgement of differing sexual orientations and gender expressions, members of some these nations have also said that while variance was accepted, they never had separate or defined roles for these members of the community. Among the Indigenous communities that traditionally have roles for two-spirit people, specific terms in their own languages are used for the social and spiritual roles these individuals fulfill

How can I best find a daddy?

A Twitter follower DM'ed me this question today, and I have some insight and a little bit of history how I found the two greatest loves of my life.

As I said in a previous post I met my first lover in a gay bar. I was a cocktail waiter, he was a stripper. i was not quite 19 he was 36. We had three wonderful years before he died of AIDS in 1988. I wasn't even 21 when he died, and it left me totally destroyed.

The second man I met in 1992 because he took care of a mutual friend that died of AIDS in his home, surrounded by friends and family. We met because I wanted to make a panel for him for the AIDS Quilt. We hit it off instantly, had a commitment ceremony the following year and were together for 10 glorious years before he died of HIV Complications.

Years ago you cruised bars, baths, parks, gay campgrounds, the beaches, even grocery stores, or any were gay men gathered. The Advocate and other gay magazines and newspapers had ads in them--- way before internet. Friends would introduce you to men, set up blind dates. Some LGBTQ community centers would have single nights. It seemed easier.

Then the internet, changed everything. The advancement of cell phones changed the dating landscape even more. Some say for the better, some say for the worse. I guess it depends on your point of view, and if you're wanting a hook up, versus a date, versus something much longer. 

I think upfront honesty is key. An open dialogue sets the stage to wherever your connection takes you. Lay out your wants, needs, desires, even fantasies. I know it's risky, but it could pay off big time in the long haul. I'm still a bit "old fashioned" in meeting people, a few hook ups online, but I'm more the type to strike up a conversation in person wherever it is we run into each other, especially if it's clearly a "gay" area. I've had a few friends try to set me up too, god bless them for trying. I think it's hard to have good dialogue online, but maybe that's me, and maybe it's because I'm 54 and not 24. Mind you not that 54 is over the hill, as it is not. But social media has seriously impacted they way we connect with other people for the better and for the worse. Nothing beats getting together with friends at your home over food in my opinion. You can't really do that on your cell or laptop.

There are so many options to with gay groups like" baseball, bowling, football, gay pride events or volunteer or help organize the event, gay support groups---- you get the idea. Bars are still an option if you ask me, gay friendly churches from Metropolitan Community Churches, to gay groups in Jewish temples to even Dignity a gay Catholic group.

Get yourself out there, and fun. I always found for me, that I found love when I wasn't even really looking.

Does it matter if the bottom cums?

Does it matter if the bottom cums?

Once again I'm compelled to answer something I saw on Twitter in the form of a poll. I feel as if there is something to say. There are a few answers to this question in my opinion.

First, from a truly submissive point of view, and as a bottom, the first answer to this is, ONLY if the tops would want us to. I know that seems a bit vague first reading it, but from a truly submissive point of view, and desiring to totally please our tops with our boypussy or mouth alone, it is our goal is to please them and not ourselves. So if the top wishes us to ejaculate then, and only then, will we take the initiative to do so. For some of us that may mean we want him to do it for us, and for others it would mean asking if we could do it ourselves.

Next, some of us may do so hands free. Yes, it's possible. Some of us dribble it, while others actually shoot a totally hands free load, and some of us may do it while being completely limp. Some of us maybe hard the entire time, others will not get hard at all and either in my opinion is ok. It's a state of mind in my thinking. I'm normally the later, being limp the entire time.

Which brings me to my next point on this topic? I don't get hard because, for me, my entire thought process and being is wrapped up in my using my boypussy to everything it needs to do to bring my top to climax, and hopefully in me. As in a previous post I talked about how I feel it is my job as the pussy to do that every time and the effects and affects it has on me when it doesn't happen. It's not that I'm not enjoying the sex, for I am----but because my boypussy is my primary sex organ not my dick. My dick is an after thought. The affects of that actually causes me and my boypussy to get wet. Yes it does that.

For some tops, I'm going to assume two things: the first they love a limp bottom because they realize that bottom is putting everything he has--- mind, body, soul, spirit and energy--- into his pussy. The flip side of that is the tops that hate it, and think they aren't doing their job right. Honey, you are doing job; your fucking our boypussy but good, we hope, and we all respond differently it is not you trust me on this. Do your job, while we do ours.

Ok, medically speaking: Here's some important information to consider

Despite what you may have heard, edging — deliberately delaying your orgasm — isn’t harmful. This technique is also known as orgasm control. Although it’s more common among people who have a penis, anyone can benefit from it. People who practice edging bring themselves to the brink, or edge, of climax, then back off for several seconds or minutes. You can choose to climax at this point, or you may back off yet again. The number of times you stop an ejaculation is up to you.

The goal is to maintain masturbation or partner sex for a longer period of time. You may also choose to delay your orgasm until your partner is ready to climax. Edging is just one way to make masturbation or partner sex last longer. While not true for everyone, people who have a penis often reach climax more easily than people who don't. In some cases, climax may occur within a few minutes of penetration. For male to male this includes oral and anal. Edging is a way to naturally extend sexual activity. Edging can allow you to exert more control over your own orgasm. This may allow you to prolong solo or partner play, help prevent premature ejaculation, and more. 

However, men who ejaculate often may have a lower risk of prostate cancer than their peers who don’t do it as frequently, a U.S. study suggests. Researchers followed about 32,000 men starting in 1992 when they were in their 20s and continuing through 2010. During this period, almost 4,000 of the men were diagnosed with prostate cancer. Men who ejaculated at least 21 times a month in their 20s were 19 percent less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer than men who ejaculated no more than seven times a month, the study found. Men who ejaculated more often in their 40s were 22 percent less likely to get a prostate cancer diagnosis.

“Ejaculation frequency is, to some extent, a measure of overall health status in that men at the very low end of ejaculation – 0 to 3 times per month – were more likely to have other (medical problems) and die prematurely from causes other than prostate cancer,” said lead study author Jennifer Rider, who did the analysis while working at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health in Boston. 

Rider went on to say, “While our findings should be confirmed in studies that evaluate the potential biological mechanisms underlying the observed associations, the results of our study suggest that ejaculation and safe sexual activity throughout adulthood could be a beneficial strategy for reducing the risk of prostate cancer." Prostate cancer accounts for 15 percent of all new cancer diagnoses worldwide, the researchers note in the journal European Urology. Established risk factors like age, race and family history are not "modifiable," they add, and there are few lifestyle changes that can be recommended to men to lower risk.

The association between ejaculation frequency and cancer is also strongest for men without symptoms of prostate tumors such as pain or urinary difficulties that are already at low-risk for these malignancies, said Dr. Behfar Ehdaie, a urology specialist at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York who wasn’t involved in the study.

“If ejaculation frequency was truly a causal factor for prostate cancer development, we would expect to find the association across all prostate cancer risk categories,” Ehdaie said by email. It’s also too soon to weigh the merits of sex as a tool for cancer prevention, said Siobhan Sutcliffe, a cancer researcher at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis.

Frequent ejaculation through sex or masturbation probably results from other factors that contribute to good health, such as a healthy diet and normal weight, which might also lower the risk of cancer, said Dr. John Gore, a urology researcher at the University of Washington in Seattle who wasn’t involved in the study. “I do not think we need to tell men `if you don’t use it, you lose it,’” Gore said by email. “If lower ejaculation frequency prompts a man to schedule a visit with a primary care provider or specialist, and that visit serves to examine and promote preventive care and wellness, then that would be a successful application of the results of this study.”

Why would a top pull out and come on my back/on my stomach?

I'm pissed. Why would a top pull out and come on my back/on my stomach? I mean, he already fucks me bare...why not fill me pussy up? Or, my mouth. I swallow.

I saw this question on Twitter, in my feed and I knew I wanted to answer this very badly; as I feel many ask this question and at times far too often and many times. As a "fellow bottom" over the decades I've asked my self this question and it always deeply bothers me when it happens. I've always barebacked. It is a rare occasion a condom goes in my pussy, but when it does I get it guys are scared, still forty years later into a disease. I try not to take that personally either, especially in hook up encounters where very little is said about anything.

Personally, even in gay porn, I hate when a top pulls out cums across a guys back or ass, and then tries to shove it back in. It seems a huge waste to me. But porn, I guess it's to easy to fake it, guys want to see the money shot; with all of that said I'd rather see drip out of a guys pussy then anything. But even that seems a waste to me as well. So many of cherish the sperm we get in us, we try to keep it in us as long as possible and I get it. We worked for it, we earned it, it's ours now and we aren't letting go.

For me, personally, my goal, if he is barebacking me, it to do everything in my power to get him to breed and or seed me. It proves to me he enjoyed the fuck, my pussy, and I did everything right to "earn" it. He doesn't do it, then I see it as my fault for not doing something right and I take that "burden" on myself.

The VERY rare occasion I have topped, I make a deposit too. Because I don't want that bottom feeling what I feel. However, I'll do my best here to try to give some answers as to why they may pull out.

Maybe the top likes seeing his load on a guys ass, balls, chest face or wherever that isn't internal.

Maybe he thinks you may not want bred, even if you are barebacking. Believe it or not all bareback bottoms want bred. Many reasons, I'm sure.

Maybe he likes shoving it back in.

Maybe he wants you to swallow it instead. Or a facial.

Or  who knows why.

Maybe we should simply say in the midst of the fuck, "breed me. Don't pull out." Problem solved hopefully, but then again because you said it the top may feel like depriving you of what you want most of all. It seems like a mind game now that I think about it.

For many of us yes we're thankful we get fucked, realize it is up to the top to do what he does and our needs matter little to them; and some of us get off on that as well. However, others of us end up feeling worse then we did before even fantastic sex. For me, and this is just me, I do want want them cumming in me; but I know deep down it's about them, not me or my wants or quite frankly my pussy. They breed me, well, it's just icing on the cake.

Ever run across bugchasers or guys that have a poz fetish?

This question is one I've never been asked before, so this might be a lengthy post, and I truly hope you stick around and read the full answer to that.

I've stated I am about to turn 54 in November. The sixteenth to be exact. The very first news story about HIV/AIDS, as it is called now was May 18th, 1981, while the first clinical AIDS case reported was June 5th, 1981. I was a mere 15 years old. In small town Ohio, population 2,000. What did I know, or for that matter, what did any of us know?

I've never had sex with a woman ever, never kissed one sexually either. I was 18 almost 19 the first time I ever had sex with a man, that was 1985. I knew I was going to bottom, even then I knew it was what I wanted. What I needed. We met at a gay bar. I was a cocktail waiter, he was a stripper. He was also 36. He was gorgeous, I was a naive kid in living for the first time in a big city. He bred me that first time, and every night and most mornings after that for three years. In time we became lovers with an open relationship, that included a former boyfriend of his, a gay bar owner. We became a throuple. They both bred me daily and sometimes more. We used to have small home orgies with friends every weekend. No more than 3 or 4 bottoms, myself included, and about 15 to 20 tops. Needless to say I got bred a lot.

There was no conversation about HIV/AIDS, or as it was called then GRID--- Gay Related Immune Deficiency. It seems we knew so little, took so few precautions and just simply fucked. It was about a good time. Booze, pills, pot, poppers and my pussy flooded. By mid 1986 the bar owner had died and a few friends from the community but life went on. By 1988 my lover died a mere 90 pounds and blind from kaposi sarcoma. His death trigged a cocaine addiction I battled till I was 26.

Moving from one big city to another, didn't stop me. Between the drinking and the cocaine I was at the baths, pussy up 3-4 times a week 10 hour stays each time, no top denied. Many times being to high to remember what or who I did.

I say all of this because now looking back at, even in those earliest days it was unspoken, unacknowledged, unaware fucking. Was I bug chasing, some could say yes, others could say no. I'm not sure. It was never a conversation that happened. Ever. It was the baths we were there to fuck, end of story. By July 16th, 1991 however I was diagnosed HIV positive and a year later it was Full Blown AIDS with six months to live.

However I met the huge love of my life, dried out, got on the right meds and lived through it 29 years later. But those first seven weeks of my life with my husband we went to 47 funerals of gay men with HIV/AIDS. It was fucking hell. And by 2002, when my husband of 10 years died of HIV Complications, I stopped counting the number of dead, at 600 lives.

So, who am I to judge anyone on anything. HIV/AIDS is completely different now, thank god. Lots of meds, normal life spans, life long chronic disease even. There's even prep. But did I make a conscience decision to get it, I honestly don't know. Some think once they get it, noting to worry about. That might not be the case as nobody, anywhere is studying the long term effects of this disease or the drugs. So there will be entire generations behind me living longer than I ever will with it that or left to their own defenses. Talk about fucked up.

True there is one less disease to worry about once your poz, but then it is t-cell counts and viral loads. People still die, even here in the USA of HIV/AIDS every day for various reasons. People are still contracting, and to a degree I can understand it, to another I can't. However, with that said, I can't imagine my life without it. It has literally made me into the man I am today. Kind, compassionate, caring, understanding, empathetic, loving, supportive, a shoulder to cry on and I don't know if I could be all of those things or not without this disease impacting my life, and my own body.

I'm not here to judge anyone, I cant, as they say, "Throw the first stone", as many more stones would come my own way. There are risks, there are complications, and even challenges. Would I do it all over again? I'm not sure about that either. I can't undo what was done. I can only move forward.

My big thing here though, I really want to stress is, if you are undetectable it also means you are UNTRANSMITTABLE! Meaning HIV/AIDS is not given or taken by you whether you top or bottom. Of course strains of HIV/AIDS also carry what medications you can be or not be on, but that bridge can be crossed. There are long time survivors like myself who can share experiences, advice, friendship and yes some of us, not all of us, only "play" with other poz guys. It's called serosorting. Is it right, who knows?

There are times I wish I didn't have AIDS, but I have beat the odds. I've lived. It has been filled with joy and pain, but so is life as a whole. If you're newly diagnosed I'm here for you. If you're a fellow longtime survivor I'm here for you. If your unsure I'm here for you too. It can be scary. It can be daunting. But I'm not about to tell anybody to do, or not do anything. It's between you, and your conscience, or your god, if you believe in one, in the first place.

I could be giving and receiving anal play all morning why change?

"I could be giving and receiving anal play all morning why change? Probably the daddy is going to cum in 10 minutes."

So I tweeted out one of my "infamous" naughty memes that said, “Feel this?... Daddy is controlling your pussy now... get used to it... my cock is going balls deep next”. The "top" was fingering the guys pussy really good.

So there are a few things that come to mind with this "question".

The first is I kind of get this thinking especially with COVID-19 still running rampant here in America. There is so much fear, and it is totally understandable. So many of us are in self-isolation, wearing masks, staying away from strangers. Gay Dating apps and those "lucky" states with open sex clubs for men to men action have come to a complete standstill, as I've heard so many say it.

Next isolation, for some, have given guys time to take the time and explore their bodies, and yes for those of us who do bottom our pussies. I'm sure dildo use has skyrocketed, and that can be seen on platforms like XTube in those earliest weeks of self-isolation when solo vids skyrocketed. Many of us I'm sure are experiencing self induced prostate orgasms and a richer, and fuller sex life to some degree. At least as much as a dildo can bring. Which brings me to my next point. Many of us too have taken this time to use our dildo's to keep ourselves "ready" for our next roll in the sheets, or to even expand upon our skills, our techniques or other "worthwhile" venues to being a "good bottom"

The connection with another man. There is something to be said about being in the arms of another man, or being on all fours your boy pussy in the air getting reamed out. There is actual submission to someone else, that you can not get from a dildo, even if it is attached to a fuck machine. A good Daddy responds to his pussyboy, his actions, his words, and his movements. A good Daddy can feel the hunger, the urge, the drive that needs to be feed and while his focus is on his pleasure, there is to some degree focus on pleasing his boy. Both are satisfied. Does it always happen, no. But when it does it is simply amazing.

The other aspect of this is this idea that besides the actual physical act of the fuck, their is the submission, the obedience, the being of service to the Daddy that is so much more than the physical act. For many of us, myself included here, this is where the true joy and fulfillment come from. Yes the sex can be amazing but many of us desire the idea of the being truly submissive to the men we have sex with, and even love; while there is a difference between just sex and love and the submission is different between the random hookup and the man you end up marrying.

This idea of "timeframe", lasting just ten minutes" applies here, and for some of us ten minutes might be enough, while others ten minutes with ten guys is more of our speed. There is this idea of gratitude for what we do get, and that applies here. What could we do to help "lengthen" that time frame? What are we bringing to the "table". What is it that isn't getting fulfilled and how do we do that? Fear of this conversation with the man or men we have sex with might seem daunting, but I truly think it is one we need to have, and possibly on a regular basis; so everybody ends up with a happy sex life

At least for me is that the question seems to invoke a sense of doom and gloom, loss of hope, a sense of never finding true love or even a top who can satisfy one's needs. This is, of course for me, a sad state of affairs. Even if your top is a pump and dump and go, at least you're getting something or you wouldn't be doing it. If you've been emotionally hurt by a man I am sorry that happened to you and you didn't deserve that as no one day, but not all men are the same.

My Grandmother used to say, "Fall of the horse you need to get back on". Simply saying keep trying. Whether it's true love that leads to marriage or just a random bath house hookup, find your man, go pussy up and hang on for the ride of your life.

There is also this sense that there maybe a dildo buddy he plays with, and this in itself is a whole other scenario. Which can and does work for many men who have sex with men. Frankly, if this is the case I'm a bit jealous as I don't have that. Is it something I want? Yes. Why because it still involves another man, it involves my submitting, my obeying, my being of service, and it does involve my pussy being used and when it's his turn I'm still being of service, being submissive by giving him what he wants, and my obeying him and the needs of his pussy. It also offers me the chance to pay attention to his body language and unspoken cues; and we both end up with happy boy pussies. If this is truly the case, in my mind the only thing you might miss is his cumming in you, if that is part of what you crave. however there are ways to even do that. Rub the toy with his cum and put in yourself. Bingo, both things accomplished.