I’m struggling to know if I’m a pussyboy/fag. Any advice on how to know and next steps?

 

I'd first start by reading my post on gay bottom virgins as there is insight there that might help, but somehow I feel this question is VERY different from than that of being a virgin, for some reason. Maybe my "Daddy" inkling tendencies are kicking in here.

I knew very early on, like 5 or 6 that I knew I was very different than other boys my age, growing up in a very strict Christian fundamentalist home didn't help, and the time frame 1971-1972 of my being that age didn't help as the gay liberation movement was still very new, and with very little gay "role models" on tv, and what was on tv was negative and made fun of us. The language came, for me, at 13 when the teasing, bullying, name calling in high school and even then I was, "Oh that is what that is." I'm one of those gay men that never dated girls, never kissed one besides my mom, granny, & aunts. Certainly never had sex with any girl & had absolutely no desire to either. NONE!

I'm also one of those gay men that started playing with my ass very early, versus jerking off. Like extra time soaping it in the shower, fingering it, rubbing it. The neighbor boy my age we'd play show me yours, I'll show you mine but it was our asses not our cocks. Fingering it initially came, by pushing the soap into me as I bathed, rubbing plastic bottles against it.... the list goes on. About 15 I knew my first time having sex was going to be with a guy, and I knew I was going to bottom. That's my first point.

1. Decide your going to bottom. 

        I also knew at 15, even never having sex with a guy that all I wanted to do was bottom. It was my mind set, if you will. I know a tender age to decide you're going to pussy, but it's the truth. As I've said in previous posts I waited till I was 18 till I had sex with a guy, who ended up my lover for almost 3 years.  I never topped him. He was kind, patient, tender, slow, passionate and everything I needed that first time.

It's all about mind set. You know already you're attracted to guys, maybe even certain "types" of guys. The type that makes you hornier than all get out. Mind set and acceptance of who as well as what you are in imperative. But beyond that is how you go about doing it. As I said in my personal history it was a process, a slow one for me and until March of 2020 after seeing a gay video on Pornhub where the bottom was called pussy, I didn't know the term pussyboy existed. Back in my day it was power bottom. That was enough, and henny I was a big ole power bottom.

2. NEVER feel shame for being gay, or being a pussyboy, or being a fag. EVER! Acceptance for being gay has exploded for the most part; however, with that said despite our strides ---even in our very own community--- bottom shaming runs rampant. We are seen as less than, weaker than, not equal too blah, blah, blah, blah. I say horse shit! Without bottoms tops are just wanking off, period. But also in this thinking. we can't be full bottoms with out tops. So there we are. Take pride in being a bottom, or even a pussyboy, read my posts on being a pussyboy as there is a difference.

Being pussy, however, I think is the full embracement of the idea of being submissive, passive, pleasing. The idea of we thrive, blossom, grow when we are getting fucked--- or in some circles the term is cunted. It's acknowledging that for many of us we don't feel or full selves without being of use to another men in sex or even servitude, like making our man breakfast. It's embracing a feminine or even non-gendered language above and beyond a cold, clinical one: asshole, hole, rectum for ----pussy, cunt, snatch, twat, and mangina (which I hate by the way)--- which in my opinion can be either gender or neither--- and possibly adding boy or man to them-- boycunt, as an example.

Being pussy also implies that your pussy is your TRUE sex organ, and not your dick like every man that walks the planet. That it is ONLY your pussy that brings you bliss, joy, relief, calm, happiness and yes even fulfillment. Your (prostate orgasms or full body orgasms) or as I call em pussygasms, others call them fagasm's are enough, and that "ruined orgasms", or dribbling, or completely hands free ejaculations are enough.

3. Use your "new" language while having sex. Simple enough, right? Nope, not that easy I was terrfied out of my mind using, "Fuck my pussy" the first time with a random top I didn't know in the least. Thank goddess he was into it. I was very nervous saying it. As I mentioned in point 2 I NEVER use anything but "fem" terms to describe what I have. It does get easier the more you say them. My tip here is if your in dating apps state your a pussyboy, those knowledgable will know to use that language.

4. Might sound silly, but find a core group of other pussyboys---- your sisters, if you will---- for friendship, support, encouragement, advice, tips, tricks of trade, to gossip with, share tops with; and believe this or not some of us adore playing with others like ourselves---- because the sessions can be completely hot as we know truly know what to do to ourselves or even others to make pussy happy. Try it you might like it. They can help in shaving to if that's your thing, or just have some fun with true kindred spirits. 

5. Might seem like a no brainer, but here it goes.... play with your pussy and often! I can't tell you the number of bottoms I talk to on Twitter who don't own a dildo or pussy plug. It's baffling. At this point you know your pussy. You identify that way. Why aren't you playing in it? There's this idea that tops/Daddies love loose pussy. It's true! They want a pussy they can rut in, plow stupid, and fuck silly, A tight pink hole of a pussy would faint in fright at the mere thought of such treatment. And with COVID-19, and so many self-isolating for many reasons, it presents the perfect time to get that dildo out, grease your pussy, and stretch it so when you want screwed senseless you can take it. See more in my advice to virgin pussyboys.

6. Finally, be proud of who you are at every level, for this is how you were made. Plain and simple. No living in fear, shame, regret, doubt or anything else. We get one life. Enjoy it. To the best of your ability live authentically. Other people don't like it so fucking what. It's their issue on yours!

Advice for virgin male bottoms

 

So, I've had my share here lately with gay/bisexual/curious/down low/married guys who want or feel the need to bottom but are virgins, with either none to little experience. So I thought as someone who is nearing fifty four years old (November 16th, 2020 if your curious) and who has been bottoming since he was eighteen that I have sage advice for those in this situation.

1. As I've said before in other posts in the past, I knew that my very first sexual experience was going to be with a man, and that I was going to bottom that first time; even though I never had anything more than just my fingers in my ass up until that first time. I was very lucky my first time. He was patient, kind, tender, loving, attentive and made the entire experience enjoyable, pleasurable with as little pain as possible. That was a feat into itself as he was 9 cut inches. However, not everyone will or can have the experience I had that first time. I wish they could. 

With that all said, my first bit of advice is to buy yourself a life sized, or slightly smaller dildo. Can be even something from somewhere like Ambiance or an adult bookstore if you're fortunate to have one in your area. Don't spend the big bucks yet on a dildo, in my opinion, that will come. I say buy yourself a dildo because YOU fully control the ENTIRE scene: how much you take into yourself, the speed, the thrusting action or lack thereof with your dildo acting more like butt-plug, the length of time you use it and anything else you can possibly think of when it comes to being fucked my a real dick. Of course the only thing missing is that dildo cumming in you, but you could rub, or even fuck some of your own semen into yourself to get used to that feeling as well. The options here are endless.

With your dildo, I would set time aside for "exercises", meaning bluntly opening yourself up anally so if your first top decides to pound you stupid you can take it without feeling like you're dying from being ripped open. I'd practice thrusts: depth, frequency, speed, length of time, rotating it in--- you get the idea hopefully; which is trying to mimic an actual man fucking you. Start out slow to get used to it, build up speed, length of time you "workout", depth and yes even how many times a week you use your dildo. Listen to your body, your needs and listen most importantly (in my opinion) to the budding voice of your "pussy". You could add into this one the use of butt plugs, and the same ideas apply, with the addition of wearing it during your day for any length of time including extended wear i.e. like four hours or more. The more you use your "budding pussy" the more you'll be ready for that first real dick in you.

2. A silly as this may sound, and it may; get used to sleeping with no bottoms on AT ALL. Basically nude from at least waist down. I've done this since I was like thirteen because I liked the feeling. After that first time of my being fucked though, and him becoming my lover I instantly KNEW he HAD to have full, unimpeded access to my "budding pussy" as I slept. A lot, if not all tops love this idea. My guy used to love falling asleep with his dick buried in me after fucking me, and I grew to love it and needed it to sleep. He was also the type to fuck me in the middle of the night, or wake me up rimming me wildly first thing in the morning. This one in my opinion is an easy one. You get cold add a blanket, or two or even flannel sheets which I'm partial too all year round. This also gives you, even being single, that if you wake up in the middle of the night to say roll over; you have the wonderful opportunity of gliding your fingers over your "budding pussy" and playing in it which I do a lot.

3. Shower shots/enemas. Get used to them. Buy them, either the disposable Fleet Enemas, the red enema bag like your Grandma may have used, or the handy Shower shot attachment to your shower head. Going to be very blunt here, by saying nobody/ or very, very, very few guys like fucking an ass that is not clear/clean of shit. Period. For huge numbers of tops it's a HUGE turnoff. A clean "budding pussy" is a happy one. Luke warm water, till the water runs absolutely clear. Hot water physicians warn IS NOT ever recommended. Use the toilet to dispel the water and preferably not your shower, at least in the very beginning, as believe it or not you could end up clogging up your shower pipes. Once "larger" debris is expelled it is ok to use the shower. Many also find using the enema bag or shower shot as an additional way of opening up your "anal cavity/pussy" and over time some bottoms, believe it or not dribble precum "cleaning out", myself included. Many also see it as a bit of foreplay as it can relax your pussy muscles.

Going to add here even if it's not enema related the importance of diet and being a good "budding pussy." Lots of fruits, vegetables and of course fiber or fiber supplements. All of which helps keep one clean as well. Eating meat products especially, sit a lengthy time in the stomach/bowels and many bottoms refuse to eat meat products days before a sexual trysts so cleaning out is easier.

4. Being hairless. While not a necessity I've discussed in a previous post ways to remove hair if you wish to do so, however there are oodles of guys who love a fuzzy guy. It's all a matter of taste for you and them as well. So don't fret this one, and see my post on hair removal if it's your thing.

5. Language. This one might seems stupid, but for me since March of 2020 it has been the very cornerstone of my thinking as a pussyboy. I've fully & wonderfully embraced the power of language when it comes to my body parts. I don't ever use medical jargon, or even standardized jargon for what I have any more. Meaning I only use "feminine" terms: pussy, cunt, snatch, gash although it ends there as I hate using mangina ---- and dicklet, nub, or even clit for what's up front. Might seem of no importance to many, but for me it empowers me to focus on my one true sex organ my pussy and who as well as what I am at my core. I use these terms because I'm fully submissive, passive, adore getting fucked senseless and yes even bred. I feel as if it's an innate part of my identity and without it I'm not much of anything. Being pussy is part of my DNA, my soul, and to a huge degree even my very own gender: they/them, girlie-boy/faggot, pussy if your curious. It took years of bottoming to get to this point, lots of research into the term & thinking of pussyboys, soul searching, and yes even acceptance to get to this point. But, I've never been happier. You might want to seriously think about this one.

6. Condoms/PREP/bareback sex.  First I want to say there is this move to not use the term "bareback" sex anymore and instead use "natural sex" or just "sex". The term simply came about because of the advent of HIV/AIDS and sex without condoms, and those wishing to change the language partially wish to do so because HIV/AIDS has become a life-time, chronic, manageable disease. July 16th, 2021 I'll have lived 30 years with AIDS myself so I understand the switch. For me the language is not of importance but your decision if you participate in condomless sex or not. You need to have an open, brutally honest conversation with your tops about both of your sexual histories if your worried about STD's. Know that person is being honest or go on PREP to prevent HIV/AIDS. I'm not going to discuss someone trying to "get HIV/AIDS" or bugchasing as it is called here that might be another post. The decision of using or not using condoms is yours, and don't be forced into something you don't wish to do.

I hope to come out one day. Just scared

 So, that question came in very recently, from someone who is not out yet. Boy do I have a lot to say here.

So, I turn 54 in November. Things then were very different then, add to this that I grew up in a Conservative Southern Baptist church and I'm sure your imaging it was hell. It was. Growing up we had no phone, if you can imagine and this was decades before the internet. So I surfed old Sears catalogue's for the mens underwear section (see to the right for a sample) or National Geographic for the occasional male nude.

Of course "out" celebrities were unheard of, however there were "gay glimpses" on television: Rock Hudson (pre-AIDS), Liberace, Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares (center square by the way) and his witty comebacks, Rip Taylor and his confetti, Wayland Flowers and Madame. There was even drag on television then: Flip Wilson as Geraldine, Harvey Korman and Tim Conway on the "Carol Burnette Show", reruns of Milton Berle and even Bugs Bunny.

I was three when the Stonewall Riot took place, so it is my lifetime. Of course I don't remember any of it.

Wayland & Madam

I knew very early on I was "different", didn't have the language for it but when the teasing started in the seventh grade the language came: queer, faggot, fruit, homo, fairy. I never dated girls, never kissed one either for that matter. But I had my crushes, who doesn't. I knew at thirteen when the teasing began that I was indeed gay. I've never been sexually with a woman either.

My first "full" sexual experience with another man I was eighteen and I knew I wanted to bottom. Thank god he was patient, kind, understanding, loving, compassionate and we took it slow. He became my lover.

This point we'll skip ahead--- Things today are vastly different. Porn on the internet, Twitter, some social media sites, gay pride parades, tons of out celebrities, politicians, sports people and even transgender folks are out. We even have a National Coming Out Day! Tons of people do it every day on YouTube. Gay marriage is legal, gay rights are far better than they used to be, and HIV/AIDS is now a "chronic lifetime manageable disease". Some things don't change like hate, discrimination, families kicking you out when you disclose you're gay, hate crimes, bullying--- the list seems endless.

But there are all kinds of support groups, some churches are "open and accepting", and for many of us we create our own unique family units. There's gay bars, gay neighborhoods, all kinds of gay groups to join and a real community. 

I know you're terrified, I was too; but it does get better. Trust me on this. Gay is not a choice, you simply are. The choice is coming out and sharing your truth. It doesn't change you, you just reveal something about yourself some people might expect even now. They disown you, it's their loss not yours. My family disowned me, all but my late mother. But my chosen family is wonderful. I'm here if you need me as it may not be easy. But, you'll be so thankful when you do come out.