I hope to come out one day. Just scared

 So, that question came in very recently, from someone who is not out yet. Boy do I have a lot to say here.

So, I turn 54 in November. Things then were very different then, add to this that I grew up in a Conservative Southern Baptist church and I'm sure your imaging it was hell. It was. Growing up we had no phone, if you can imagine and this was decades before the internet. So I surfed old Sears catalogue's for the mens underwear section (see to the right for a sample) or National Geographic for the occasional male nude.

Of course "out" celebrities were unheard of, however there were "gay glimpses" on television: Rock Hudson (pre-AIDS), Liberace, Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares (center square by the way) and his witty comebacks, Rip Taylor and his confetti, Wayland Flowers and Madame. There was even drag on television then: Flip Wilson as Geraldine, Harvey Korman and Tim Conway on the "Carol Burnette Show", reruns of Milton Berle and even Bugs Bunny.

I was three when the Stonewall Riot took place, so it is my lifetime. Of course I don't remember any of it.

Wayland & Madam

I knew very early on I was "different", didn't have the language for it but when the teasing started in the seventh grade the language came: queer, faggot, fruit, homo, fairy. I never dated girls, never kissed one either for that matter. But I had my crushes, who doesn't. I knew at thirteen when the teasing began that I was indeed gay. I've never been sexually with a woman either.

My first "full" sexual experience with another man I was eighteen and I knew I wanted to bottom. Thank god he was patient, kind, understanding, loving, compassionate and we took it slow. He became my lover.

This point we'll skip ahead--- Things today are vastly different. Porn on the internet, Twitter, some social media sites, gay pride parades, tons of out celebrities, politicians, sports people and even transgender folks are out. We even have a National Coming Out Day! Tons of people do it every day on YouTube. Gay marriage is legal, gay rights are far better than they used to be, and HIV/AIDS is now a "chronic lifetime manageable disease". Some things don't change like hate, discrimination, families kicking you out when you disclose you're gay, hate crimes, bullying--- the list seems endless.

But there are all kinds of support groups, some churches are "open and accepting", and for many of us we create our own unique family units. There's gay bars, gay neighborhoods, all kinds of gay groups to join and a real community. 

I know you're terrified, I was too; but it does get better. Trust me on this. Gay is not a choice, you simply are. The choice is coming out and sharing your truth. It doesn't change you, you just reveal something about yourself some people might expect even now. They disown you, it's their loss not yours. My family disowned me, all but my late mother. But my chosen family is wonderful. I'm here if you need me as it may not be easy. But, you'll be so thankful when you do come out.