Freaked Out: Question

I've debated commenting for a while. Thanks to lots of religious trauma, I only recently came out. So here I am virgin at 32 in the Pacific Northwest, but I also stumbled across your blogs and others like it and realized I am not just gay, but also a pussyboy. I have no desire to top, I want to be cunted as you describe, even the idea of being caged by a man turns me on. But I'm also freaked out. I'm starting at square one with no experience, but I also know I want all this and don't know where to find it, but I also want to fall in love. What's a confused and panicked brand new pussyboy to do?

There is so much to unpack here. Let's start with your religious trauma. This could take a long time depending on which of faith it was, and how 'brutalized you are left by that. I say that as someone who grew up Penecostal: handling snakes, speaking in tongues, driving out demons, faith healings the whole horrible lot of it; which included at least one weekly bashing of gays as doomed to an eternal hell of damnation in hellfire. I say at least one weekly bashing as my family growing up went to church every time the doors were open, and I attended our non-certified or state tested Christian school from the 7th to 12th grade. So for me there was tons of trauma knowing, sitting there I was gay. 

I think you're freaked out about the idea of being not only gay, the possible fallout of that decision from your family and now there's this whole pussyboy aspect of things to deal with. Those two things can be overwhelming by themselves. I say that because, a lot of times even just as "plain ole bottoms" we're seen as effeminate, not quite manly men. The whole "no fat's, no fems, no this or that" that we see in hookup apps, that I find horrifically offensive. Granted I refer to bottoms as "girls' in my tweets, but I do it, hopefully, in a positive and respectful place empowering those of us who are effeminate gay bottoms. Myself included in that statement. I truly think we have power and strength that commonly by even though society has denied us that power and strength. Now I know not all bottoms are effeminate, hell neither are ll pussyboy's are effeminate but I know plenty that are. And there's nothing wrong with that all. Hell, I celebrate I'm effeminate!

 Coming out by itself can, for some people, be very stressful and even painful and I hope that is not your case. My coming out was fairly easy. I told my mama first and she and I waited a year before I told my abusive father that I was gay. I didn't realize, however, that it was my mama who made my father and the rest of the family civil and polite with me. That realization came the day before she died six years ago, some 32 years after coming out and it was like Hiroshima after the bombing. Decades of hate came flooding to the service from every angle, and to think my mama put a stop to it for all those years makes me love her even more.

And there could be added pressure, from yourself, that your clock is ticking because at 32 you're still a virgin. This too can be stressful as the desire is there, but how, when, where and with whom do I do it with. My advice her is if you find "the right guy" to lose your virginity to is get a full and honest feedback on what and with who this guy has been with. And although I tweet a lot about unsafe sex, I would say don't throw the safe sex option out the window. Condoms, lube the whole lot and if you're in a space were you feel Prep is necessary than do that as well. However, in this day and age some health care plans may still drop you from said plan as they feel you're "participating in risky behavior".

Since you've stated you've read my blog I don't want to rehash things I've said. I want to do my best to say something new.

First of all let me say, if there is a God, and I'm not saying there is or is not; but for the sake of argument there is one--- he/she is something way beyond any singular religion can comprehend. God would be something beyond our wild imaginations. I feel that if there is a God, that God doesn't create mistakes: ie the LGBTQIA+ community or anyone in it. Meaning God wanted us gay. If we are to even remotely believe what is in the Bible "we are all created in his image" than that means God is gay, God is a pussyboy and a struggling 32 year old virgin wanting desperately to change the fact that he is a virgin. God is all of us. And no matter what he/she still loves us.

I think in order to find it, the first thing you need to do is love yourself fully, and even I find myself rolling my eyes when I say that... but there is some truth there otherwise Mama RuPaul wouldn't be saying," If you can't love yourself, how the hell you going to love any body else." Can I get an amen up in here." <lol> My kinda sermon by the way. <lol>. Also let go of the parts of religion that don't help you become your most authentic self.

I wish there were an easy answer to how to go about finding it, but at least part of the journey is done on your own. 

1. Loving yourself. This is easier said than done, and I'll be the first to admit it. But as Mama RuPaul says, "If you can’t love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?" I know I said this a little bit before but it bears repeating.

2. Buy things that embrace your femininity, if that is the route you choose to go; and do it slowly if you have to, because lord knows we aren't all the stereotype of gays with money we can throw away. For example for Christmas this year I bought "The Male Submissive's Worksheet Journal" by Ryan Hubbard. I'm hoping there is something there that I can learn even at 56.

3. Do your daily pussy exercises I talk about here, and if you need to get a dildo then by golly do it! as it will make your first time easier. I'm not sure if you've read this before or not but this is advice strictly for virgins. https://thatsmrfaggot2you.blogspot.com/2020/10/advice-for-virgin-male-bottoms.html

4. Get that cage for yourself you mention and if you've got to hold your own key for awhile do it. If you're not aware of this Locked In Lust at https://lockedinlust offers my followers a discount Code for 10% off. That code is: PB_Breckinridge

5. Join a LGBTQIA+ community center and try to find like minded people, as I think the bars would be a tricker venue; as I'm finding a lot of people are too damn attached to there damn phone to chat to a stranger. Or find us on Twitter, I'm on there and I'd be more than happy to help there too. You'e not alone.

6. If you're virginity is driving you completely insane, I could say go to your nearest bath house, rent a room, and wait pussy up for some one to walk in and pop that cherry. Not maybe the ideal, but it solves it, if you can't take another day of it. I know you mentioned love and I'll get to that. So this idea might not be for you.

Love, lord, where do I even begin? I will say this, it always FOUND me when I wan't looking for it. My first time lasted 3 years before he died of AIDS complications in 1988. We spotted each other at the bar we worked for. He pursued me. Second time around was because I knew how to sew and wanted to make a panel for the National AIDS Memorial Quilt for a mutual friend we shared who died. That relationships lasted 10 years. Once again he pursued me. My last time around was my late husband, we met in an AOL gay men's chatroom, he pursued me and it lasted 18 years, ending July 29th, 2021. I know I've been blessed to have three wonderful men in my life, who helped me fully become me. Giving insight and courage to be fully, authentically me. But it seems like love found me when i wasn't looking for it.

The dating scene has changed so much, even I don't understand it. I've yet to have one date in nearly 18 months. Or have had one man show any interest. No idea why, but it hurts, deeply. The loneliness is overwhelming and I'll be point blank honest, there are times I've been very suicidal. Nights praying I never wake up. Will I ever do anything like that? I highly doubt it, but the thoughts are there. I say this because we all have very dark periods, when we've reached the end of our rope. A lot of times there seems to be no light at all, at the end of the tunnel. But somehow we go through the motions of the day, doing our best to keep our heads above water. I will say a therapist has helped me through a lot of it, but it's not easy. Somehow I hope you can overcome it too.

I'm hoping that like before in my love life, that love, he'll just show up, somehow. I hope he will for you too. But I also know we both have to put ourselves out there to some degree. Make our faces visible. It's not like he's going to find us in some locked tower in the middle of nowhere ala Rupunzel. And I know putting yourself out there isn't easy. Hell, I'm doing it now and I know it's far from easy.

I hope that I've helped. Even just a little and that if you need more advice, or someone that will just listen that you'll reach out. I'm here.

Interview: Scoty... or @FFmehrd on Twitter

So I came across Scoty's Twitter a lil while back, and if I remember right it was a brief clip from a porn clip I was intrigued to say the least and instantly thought of doing an interview for the blog. What follows here is that conversation about being Nullo and I truly hope you enjoy learning as much as I did. You can find Scoty's Only Fans here at justfor.fans/ffmehrd or with Treasure Island Media.

PB: I'll start simply by asking do you just want to use your Twitter handle as your name, but today I ran across what looked like professional porn, and if it was do you want to use your stage name? 

 Scoty: Scoty is fine.

PB: When did you first realize that you were wanting to be nullo, or did it start some other way? Could/would you describe that journey?

Scoty: Even as early as 8-9 years old. I realized something was off about my body. Somehow having male genitalia was wrong and a mistake. The feeling stuck with me all my life.

PB: Not to be intrusive here, but was there possibly thoughts about being the wrong gender or just something  didn't belong? I don't want to say one one thing goes hand in hand with the other; but I'm naive about Nullo feelings versus trans feelings and I certainly don't want to offend.

Scoty: Oh no, I knew I was a boy. Nothing made me think I was meant to be female.

PB: See I was thinking that, but wasn't sure. It was like coming out as non-binary a few months back, and everybody was like well duh, hello you are. But for me it was a big deal, as I was always the sissy boy growing up, knowing my "asshole" was going to be my main sex organ. It wasn't until a little over two years ago I even had heard the word pussyboy and I was like, yup, that's me and all the research into the term and third gender studies Hirschfeld did so long ago. I knew I leaned effeminate but I certainly wasn't meant to be female either.

Scoty: I would tuck even as a child, and when I looked at myself in a mirror I knew not having anything was what I was meant to look like. Of course at the time I didn't know what any of it meant or that it even had a name. I can completely relate to that.

PB: See I did the tucking thing too growing up as well, and not being turned off by the thought of that , now looking back at it at least for now, at least for me, it is what led to chastity cages. I sure there is a range of feelings, responses, attitudes as some who is Nullo. Is there such a thing as nullo pussyboys? Or is that two very separate things?

Scoty: Yeah I hated caging. Seeing the balls still dangling and exposed... gave me such anxiety and stress. Every time I attempted to cage it, it just made things more evident that I wasn't meant to have any of it. Oh I'm def sure that there are Nullo pussyboys... why wouldn't there be?

PB: I wasn't so sure. I mean there is all this talk about our "clitty" being limp, useless, not needed and that our pussies are our only sex organ. I just didn't want to blur two separate things. Like when people assume all bottoms are pussyboys, and they are not. I didn't want to do the same thing with a group I know so little about. As some gay men find the whole "pussyboy phenomenon" a huge turn off, and that we as such play into this whole other turn off for them, which is "effeminacy". Well my attitude has always been you can't be a top without a bottom... hello.. or a bottom  without a top. So I'm sure there is commentary about Nullo's that's horrifying to say the least.

Scoty: Well, yes true. Not all Nullos are pussyboys.

There hasn't been many guys that have vocalized their dislike about my journey to becoming Nullo. But the few that expressed their opinions have been quite surprising. One guy for instance, a total top, every time we played he wanted me blind folded and my junk covered, he wanted to focus on my hole. When I told him, we discussed it and he was completely turned off; and I told him he would never see me again. Totally his loss.

PB: It is totally his loss. I 'm curious if part of what you did was this idea that your hole is your true sex organ, or if becoming Nullo was more about your genitals not belonging on you... or if it was a mix of both?

Scoty: Well at such a young age... and the feeling never changed as I got older that the genitals never belonged. It never felt right. Of course for years I've thought and referred to my hole as a sex organ.

PB: I've thought of my hole as a sex organ too, and when I finally realized there was a word "pussyboi" it all clicked for me. But I'm wondering is that feeling intensified after being Nullo, because then it only about your hole or am I wrong in presuming that?

Scoty: It's all I got now... haha.. so yeah it naturally intensifies.

PB:  A bit of a technical question if I may?

Scoty: Sure.

PB: Ejaculations after this are they a no, or do they take on a different form like full body orgasms?

Scoty: I'm one of the lucky ones, where I've been able to have full body orgasms, or assgasms. Ejaculations and orgasms are differently different now. Men that have dicks, have an explosive climax, an explosive release... I do not, when I cum and I can cum now pretty much constantly while I'm stimulated, it's like a faucet that's been turned on. The look and texture of my cum is also completely different, imagine only pre-cumming.

PB: That has to be hot I would think. I've been able to cum a few times completely hands free and it was vastly different I thought. My assgasms, or as I tend to call them... pussygasms... are incredible and those I live for because they are way more intense, last longer and are oddly hugely more satisfying and you can have multiple ones. But I'm one of the "rare"... or maybe it's not all that rare... ones to only cum without something up my ass.

Scoty: I completely agree.

PB: Question about the surgery, if I may. Was it painful? What was recovery like and do you have to undergo therapy like when having a sex change.. which I think is ludicrous.

Scoty: Well, for surgery I got a nerve block, and of course anesthesia during the six hour long surgeries. The plus though was, I had a beautiful full face from all the ozygen I got... hehe.  The only pain I had from surgery was once the nerve block wore off. That was a painful hour while waiting for pain meds to kick in. I chose to stay on round the clock pain meds... why hurt and suffer when you don't have to. Recovery at home, I really had issues with the Foley catheter... quiet uncomfortable experience for the two weeks I had it. And it was only an issue because of the location of my urethra. I basically sit on my urethra.

Therapy no, though my medical team were all very supportive... extremely supportive... first Nullo, the hospital was a buzz of chatter. No laser hair removal needed for Nullos. So that was a plus. Sorry to finish your question concerning pain and surgery. There was never any pain from the surgery itself. The mind and body have an amazing ability to rework itself. Perhaps it was a life time of hating my genitalia and a combination of pain meds immediately after surgery but it was truly hard to remember the feeling of having it. It's like my mind forgot what it was suppose to feel like.

PB: No you're fine. I like that you went into so much detail about it. I'm sure readers will have more of an understanding like I am getting. So does having this surgery put you and others in the "trans community umbrella" much like non-binary folks or no?

Scoty: Yes. As a Nullo, non-binary individual I do fall under the trans umbrella. But, more focus is put on me being non-binary.. all medical facilities and charting, label me as non-binary along with my chosen pronouns.

PB: That has to be so cool, as I came out as non-binary maybe two months ago and everyone was like, "duh, PB, we all know your the passive partner, and hello, you're a semi-retired professional drag queen, so HELLO!"

Scoty: I love that. I also want to say I loved reading the interview you did with Lucas Daken.

PB: Thank you so much for that. That interview came about because she was the first to list she/he and gender-fluid and still do gay porn. I was fascinated by it at the time, as I myself was struggling with this idea was I myself non-binary/third gender person like the research I was doing at the time. Lucas was a HUGE part of accepting myself as non-binary with a tendency toward effeminacy as I call my sexual parts by feminine names like so many pussyboi's do. This idea of identifying more as a girl than as a boi too, but without surgery or hormones; but I was fully fascinated by what you did because it was something I never heard of, but something that that really left you non-binary much like Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld was writing about before and during World War II.

Scoty: I'm truly happy that you have discovered yourself... wear it like a badge... own it, continue to love yourself for who you are. It's an amazing feeling accepting oneself for who and what they are. Too many of us are ashamed, afraid, and some of that is unpreventable due to family or living situation, etc. And discovering oneself may take a lifetime to do, I know for myself that was/is the case. Surgery was definitely a huge transition in affirming who I am. Who knows what's next... I'm just emerging from my silken cocoon.

PB: That's exactly what it felt like, the coming out of my cocoon and blending/or blurring exactly what is gender for me was what "pushed me over the edge" if you will. That we don't have to present a certain way, or in certain clothes or even our mannerisms. But I feel there is so much education that needs to be done on so many levels for acceptance and I am almost sure that is the case for you you too because I'm pretty sure mass public think, "Oh you CHOSE to do this" when in reality you had to be yourself, and in many ways your doing that just by being your authentic self.

Scoty: Yes I agree 1000% with you on that.

PB: Is there something you would like to say because I haven't thought to ask it?

Scoty: Oh I don’t know, my heart is heavy today, someone dear to me has passed. I guess i would say life is to short, and to live a life of regret or fear would be a shame and a dishonor to oneself. We should all look inside ourselves and see the beauty thats within us. Show the world that beauty, that light. JUST BE YOU.

PB: I am so very, very sorry someone so close has passed.

Scoty: Thank you

PB: What advice would you give others if they are considering doing what you've had done?

Scoty: Well if the person has the means to have the surgery, of course do it ! Free yourself of it. Everyone deserves to be happy with their body. I get asked a lot about my opinion on going to a cutter, and my response is always DON’T DO IT! It has been the best decision I ever made. My only regret was not being able to do it sooner.

Am I Emascualted?

 

We were so vastly different from each other in every way. Daddy was tall, muscular, hairy, confident, strong in mind, character as well as in physical strength. He made all of our decisions for us. When he walked into a room people noticed him immediately because of his personality, his charm, his whit and his gorgeous good looks. As his boi-wife i was shorter than he was, I was on the thin feminine side when it came to my build, I was completely hairless from the waist down per Daddy's request. I needed guidance knowing I made the right decisions when I was given the opportunity to make any, my mind was more womanly in many ways and most of my decisions involved how and in what ways I could make Daddy happy. People rarely noticed me when I walked into a room and when they did I was always referenced to as his wife. One day at a small party we held, that I handled every last single detail a new co-worker of Daddy's, a man asked me "Was I emasculated by being called his wife?"

 I responded by saying, "Well we are legally married. I changed my last name to his. I serve in my role as his wife and all of those Stepford Wife's 1950's housewife roles and attitudes, including in the bedroom. Daddy refers to me as his "baby girl" and I accept, and embrace that role thoroughly and love it. So no I'm not emasculated. You can't do that to somebody who was never masculine in the first place." The poor man didn't know what to say, and wondered off back into the throng of people. Just as confused as before.

Later that night getting slowing undressed Daddy approached me in the bedroom. "Baby girl I learned what you said tonight to my new co-worker and I couldn't be prouder and happier in you as my wife than I am tonight. He hugged me tightly and my unbuttoned shirt. We slowly began undressing and often looked at each other as each garment came off. It didn't take much for me to take off. My men's shirt and slacks and I stood there in just my thigh highs and garter belt with my hose clipped into place, my chastity locked clitty was on full display.

"You've never looked more beautiful than you have tonight, baby girl."

"Thank you Daddy so much. It means so much to me to hear you say that. And seeing you standing there fully naked you've been so masculine and rugged looking. I truly love you with all my heart Daddy."

"I love you to baby girl. You ready to give Daddy some pussy?"

"I'm always ready to go pussy up for you Daddy. You know that."

"Why don't you go over to the bed and get in my favorite position, princess." 

That meant getting on the bed on all fours. My ass high in the air. My legs spread as wide as they would go. My back was arched impossibly high with my hairless cunt on display. My head was on the bed and my hands were in front of me. In the BDSM world it's known as bitch pose and Daddy always said I was prettiest just like that. He walked over to the side of the bed and closest to where my head was at. I didn't need told what to do, I knew. I swallowed his semi-erect dick in my mouth to the balls, and began sucking him to full staff.

"God fucking damn princess, you are so good at sucking cock. Damn baby. Get Daddy nice and hard."

Daddy's hands gently held my head, cradling my chin gently in his hands I suck him like some two bit starving whore. Every time my lips met his crotch I stuck out his tongue and lapped his balls which were cradled in my right hand. He spit in his hand a few times and then rubbed his spit in my twat and began finger me with two fingers bashing my princess spot with each thrust.

"Mmmrrppphhggrrr," was all I could manage with mouth stuffed full of dick. By now Daddy had add a third finger and this time around all of his fingers were covered in Boy Butter Lube. I was moaning my head off.

"You ready for dick, Mrs. Bartley?" Daddy always called me that in moments of deepest affection.

"Yes Daddy. Always ready. Always needy."

Daddy climbed up on the bed behind me, his knees between my legs and his mushroom head of dick as at the very edge of pussy lips teasing me by making the smallest circles possible around my pussy lips.

"Please Daddy, the teasing is brutally wonderful, but please fuck me."

"No baby girl. No wild animalistic sex tonight. Daddy is going to reward you tonight by the slowest, most tender love making we've ever had as your reward for such an incredible answer to Mr. Johnson's question."

He turned me on my side and with his right hand he arched my right leg up till it was bent, exposing my lil pink pussy again. He then bent down and proceeded to eat me out till I was begging him to please feed my pussy his dick. He waited though, still devouring my spit soaked cunt til he was ready and I was in such bliss it was overkill. My twat was actually aching in need to be stretched and more than just a tongue. That's when he moved behind me, lying down and very, very slowly slide his dick into my pussy. 

"Oh GOD, thank you so much for your big dick finally Daddy. It's absolutely starving." Centimeter by centimeter he unhurriedly slide into me until after what seemed for ever he was buried balls deep and my pussy walls were gloriously stretched and full of Daddy's manhood. He began slowly rocking in and out of me but no more than half way for the next twenty minutes. It was splendidly unbelievable how tender and passionate it was. There was no hurry for him to ejaculate and but he had caused a few triumphant pussygasms, causing me to get sopping wet.

He began to build up slowly over the next twenty a bit of speed, but it certainly his balls slapping my taint. This was simply all about giving my pussy the most stimulation, pleasure and gentle stretching ever.

"Oh god baby girl. You ready for some baby batter deep in your womb?

"OH fuck yeah Daddy. Breed my pussy. Please, please, please breed my pussy."

"Maybe tonight's the night you finally get pregnant if I shoot inside of you."

"God I want that so bad Daddy." He buried his cum so deep in me it felt unreal. Our breath was heaving and Daddy's arm wrapped around my waist."

"I love you Mrs. Bartley."

"I love you too Mr. Bartley

Four types of bois

Men: so you're fucking a bottom and you're wondering whether he's the kind of boy who can easily be turned into a submissive bitch? There's an easy way to tell. If he doesn't touch his own junk at all without needing to be told not to, he's already got a strong submissive streak. Turning him into your own personal toy and bitch boy will be easy.

Some of these naturally submissive bois will wait until you cum before turning their attention to themselves and their clitties; while others will ask for permission to do that. Which I think should be the norm as it it your tops pleasure you are seeking in the first place and not your own so therefore you never touch your clitty. Yet others may just get dressed, knowing that your load in their pussy is all they need and they leave. Adding their own load would seriously distract from the most important thing to them in this moment and that is once again YOUR pleasure, not theirs.  The only thing that truly matter to them was getting bred, for in you breeding them was their signal that they were truly good pussy that did it's job.

You can usually tell any of these bois that they DON'T have your permission to ejaculate and they will most likely obey without protests. Personally here I think they had their chance of doing that hands free while you were coring out their cunt, and hammering their princess spot/slut button. However, next time you do decide to fuck them. surprise them with a chastity cage and they'll very easily could be all yours--- as for many it is the happiest day of their lives.

There's a second group of bois who will attempt to pleasure themselves while you hammer away at their pussy but will quickly and obediently oblige when you make it clear you don't want them too. They may or may not have a natural submissive streak. It may or may not be as strong as in the first group of bois, or not as quite as developed yet. Either way, these bois can easily be turned into submissive bitch bois with the proper training by you. 

The third group of bois are those who keep reaching for their dicks and will get themselves off without asking permission and could care less what you said, or want from them, even though you've explicitly said they were not allowed. First of all these bois need a bare pussy, over the knee spanking! These bois ca be the hardest to train into a submissive bitch boi, because they may not see themselves that way at all. They may not see themselves as having a pussy, and if that is the case they more than likely may not see their pussy as their only source of pleasure. But when did you ever shy away from a challenge, Daddy? For some Daddy's breaking these defiant bois own will for independence and attachment to their pleasure is the greatest joy of all.

Lastly, is the group of boi's who see themselves as girls; meaning they use all feminine terms for all of their sexual parts as I have discussed here before: pussy, princess spot/slut button for prostrate, testicles become ovaries and of course clitty, nubbin or dicklet. They fully know, accept and celebrate the fact that they have a pussy, that their main pleasure comes from being pussy from men, are beyond thrilled when bred, may dream of becoming pregnant and the only real pleasure they want is their pussy-gasms/prostate orgasms because it means Daddy is really enjoying your pussy then. We may develop an internal liquid with sexual use, for some it turns into a frothy mix, we've all seen in porn and for some of us we enjoy the pussy stretch more than anything so we can be prone to big dildo's or even fisting. As long as pussy is in use we are at our happiest. Daddy's pleasure is our only pleasure, period end of story. We may even call ourselves girls, like I do.

I'll brazenly admit this is the group I'm in. I'm also the type that craves to be "Daddy's good girl", for Daddy to buy me lingerie, thigh highs, garters, lacy crotchless panties, bras, corsets. Maybe a cute skirt with my dress shirt and a cardigan, blurring the line but a clear biological "boi". Think Harry Styles here, or Jayden Smith or even Billy Porter as examples of what I'm trying to say here.

For Daddy's with a girl--- my best advice is marry her! Immediately!

Interview with: @abayoujock of Twitter

I want to explain a little what led to this interview, if I may. @ABayou is on Twitter and as I follower I LOVE his content big time, and the biggest reason I do is he, like myself, is in his fifties does chastity and is a bottom. @ABayou is more fit than I am at this moment, as I have a small tummy, but he is what I aspire to be. He breaks the "glass ceiling" that we as the LGBATQIA+ community have with aging, ageism and the celebratory nature we have with youth and the Peter Pan syndrome. Besides, he is in my opinion scorching hot. The interview was done back in June and unfortunately things here for me took a turn as my husband of 18 years health took a dramatic turn for the worse even though we had been in hospice since October 2020. It was round the clock care all of July 2021 until he died July 29th. Grief and life after that lose somehow passed and this interview sat on the back burner.

For that I am deeply sorry to @ABayou and my readers here, as well as to my Twitter followers. I know this blog has suffered since July of 2021 but I'm slowly getting back to a mindset to work on this more so, as I feel it is SO important to have these conversations.

PB: I was wondering if you would be interested in doing an interview for my blog?

ABayou: I'm a 53 yr old exhibitionist. Comment or retweet, but I’m partnered, and I’m not looking for sex, meeting anyone, hookups, trading pics, etc. Namaste. 

To see @ABayou in action click here

https://twitter.com/abayoujock/status/1446265844393254917

PB: The blog is written by me a pussyboy and like you I'm in my 50's. I turn 55 in November. Part of what I'd like to talk about in the interview if you say yes is agesim, how bois can be any age, what led you to do what you do on Twitter and why? I was wondering if you would consider a DM interview for my blog. The focus of which is being on chastity and being an older pussyboy. 

ABayou: I’m intrigued, but I’m doubtful I could contribute much. I’m kinda not absolutely sure why I do this or what necessarily led me to do it. In my everyday life I’m quiet, reserved and introspective. I’m partnered, and my partner doesn’t really know I do this or at least to this extent. That’s bad I know. Anyway, what to you think? 

It could be an interesting talk, you might not know why you do chastity, I'm on the verge of doing it myself; but you certainly bring to the conversation of why you serve, how that may or may not vary with the situation your in if your even comfortable talking about it. I was just drawn to you, honestly, because I REALLY like what I saw and that you were doing what you did with such a positive spin on it, especially when this conversation is so youth driven. 

I get it. I’m not sure how this would work. I don’t always know when I can respond to messages.

PB: I love your pictures so very much.

ABayou: Thank you.

PB: Anytime. So we could do the interview whenever you are online. I just one over a couple of days at their convenience. My first question is what drew you to chastity?

ABayou: I've always been aroused by humiliation fantasies, and for me being caged in a small cock cage is humiliating. Also I tend to edge a lot which I believe was excessive, and now I'm unable to do that. At least I can't stroke my hard dick all the time.

PB: So instead of excessive masturbation do you find that o are using your "pussy" more, or do you even use that term. I know some that do and others who do not.

ABayou: I don't use that (term), but I am trying to focus more there.

PB: So as far as terms go, do you then just use the standard "Hole" instead? DO you find that wearing chastity "helps" you focus more there?

ABayou: I think I prefer "hole", and yes it does I think.

PB:  Has the excessive masturbation been replaced by "excessive" dildo use or are you still working up to that <giggle>? Inquiring  minds you know.

Abayou: I'm working up to that I would say. I've certainly have done more than at other times in the past.

PB: Do you have a n end goal you want to reach when it comes to dildo use, or is that something you've even thought about?

ABayou: I want my hole stretched so that I feel more comfortable with a dick going in. Haha. I'm too tight right now. Maybe a fist. Haha.

PB: I've noticed in some of your pictures you do wear a plug. Do you think it helps? And iis it fair size? Once again inquiring minds want to know these things. But I can relate to wanting to be stretched out. I bought awhile back the Fort Troff Ass Grommet set. I've worn the meduim sized one over night as I've slept with it in a few times.

ABayou: The plugs I've been wearing aren't large in my opinion, and so far I've only wore then as long as four hours or so. I do think it helps.

PB: Are you wanting to increase the size of them?

ABayou: Not particularly. I don't want to insanely large. My partners dick isn't that big that I would need to.

PB: I didn't want. to imply insanely large, but bigger. I guess it comes from this place from seeing original content makers (Twitter & porn sites) who grow or stretch their holes bigger.

ABayou: But he may want to try fisting so there is that.

PB: Are you open to fisting? No pun intended.

ABayou: I think so, but like. I said it will take work to get there. Haha.

PB: I ask this as this year I've seriously taken steps to try to be fisted (as the bottom), although I've fisted as the "top" for decades. The work though to taking a fist is half the fun though.

ABayou: I imagine so.

PB: Do you find that. a lot of gay porn comes across as ageist, and if so how do we fix that? 

Abayou: I honestly don't watch porn, and I never have. I thought there was all kinds of porn. Daddies and all.

PB: Do you feel the same way when it comes to views on bottoms (which can be so negative at times)? That there may be just a point where it is or doesn't happen anymore.

ABayou: I think so. In theory we should be getting more enlightened, I would hope. Being a bottom shouldn't be considered less than a top. There all kinds of tops and bottoms out there.

PB: That's very true; last year during the height of isolation for me was very eye opening. The term pussyboy, having/producing boypussy orgasms, and producing this "pussy liquid/froth with dildo use. It was a huge turning point for me, but I wish I had known about this years before.

ABayou: Good deal.

PB:Do you think that most gay men only think of pussyboys as younger guys, then guys like us (who happen. to be older) and if so how do we change that?

ABayou: Just keep putting ourselves out there. I don't know if pussyboys are only thought of as young. It's not like as you get older you become more of a top or something. Haha. Or less of a pussyboy bottom bitch.

PB: I find the older I get the more of a pussyboy bottom bitch I become. I believe you said at one point in a tweet that your hubby doesn't know "everything your doing/or involved in." Can you explain better, if your comfortable doing so, why this is?

ABayou: I just don't know how to communicate this (to him). He doesn't know I tweet all of this. I'm not sure how he would react.

PB: Wow! Is it fear he won't understand?

ABayou: Yes. He does have an inkling of it.

PB: You read my mind.

ABayou: I feel like it is such a of me. I guess compulsive though too.

PB: Are you a bit surprised so many love your content so much?

ABayou: Yes, for sure! I'm happy people get enjoyment from it. I'm sorry I really can't do some things because of personal situation.

PB: I do understand that, and your privacy. The struggle is very real, and it's where I am too with someone who would NEVER get any of it.

        NOTE: This interview was done in June when my husband of eighteen years was still alive. Sadly he died July 29, 2021. I now know he understood a lot more then I thought he did. A lot more actually, and that may or may not end up as a seperate blog post at some point.

ABayou: I worry he'll find out about it, and be embarrassed about it. Like his friends seeing me doing that stuff.

PB: That could be very rough, and especially if it's used against you. So how do you handle or cope with these feelings?

ABayou: I try not to think abut it,  haha. That's helpful, right? I used to suffer from social phobia. It occurred in my late teens and through my twenties. I would never leave my bedroom, and I suffered from depression too, as a result. I slowly pulled myself out of that hole, and I think my internet exhibitionism was part of that.

PB: I bet it was. That's how I was during COVID-19 isolation/lockdown for four months, of never leaving my bedroom let alone the house. Mentally I was in a very horrible place as well.

ABayou: I think that experience in my past prepared me for the pandemic lockdown. I didn't mind it, of course I had my partner here.

PB: I did too, but lockdown compounded our differences and our fights.

        NOTE: Looking back at that time now (that being October 2021) the majority of our fights were over stupid stuff, like a lot of couples fight about. Ours was compounded as I noticed my hubby's health even then getting slowly worse. It was very hard to watch, let alone deal with and I think that added to the stress and made things the way they were.

ABayou: Oh. Not good. Sorry.

PB: Thank you. Does your hubby know about the lace panties?

ABayou: I don't know to be honest.

PB: If he does know is he the type not to say anything?

ABayou: Right.

PB: Mine doesn't know I have lace panties, and he would probably hate it. Mine are assless though <lol>. He'd also HATE that I call my hole a pussy too, to be honest with you.

ABayou: Haha, I get it.

I want to take the time and that @ABayou for his time and for letting ME pick the photos from his feed to use for this interview. I also want to apologize to him for the delay in getting this posted, but I'm hopeful he'll understand. I hope you all gained something from this as well.