Freaked Out: Question

I've debated commenting for a while. Thanks to lots of religious trauma, I only recently came out. So here I am virgin at 32 in the Pacific Northwest, but I also stumbled across your blogs and others like it and realized I am not just gay, but also a pussyboy. I have no desire to top, I want to be cunted as you describe, even the idea of being caged by a man turns me on. But I'm also freaked out. I'm starting at square one with no experience, but I also know I want all this and don't know where to find it, but I also want to fall in love. What's a confused and panicked brand new pussyboy to do?

There is so much to unpack here. Let's start with your religious trauma. This could take a long time depending on which of faith it was, and how 'brutalized you are left by that. I say that as someone who grew up Penecostal: handling snakes, speaking in tongues, driving out demons, faith healings the whole horrible lot of it; which included at least one weekly bashing of gays as doomed to an eternal hell of damnation in hellfire. I say at least one weekly bashing as my family growing up went to church every time the doors were open, and I attended our non-certified or state tested Christian school from the 7th to 12th grade. So for me there was tons of trauma knowing, sitting there I was gay. 

I think you're freaked out about the idea of being not only gay, the possible fallout of that decision from your family and now there's this whole pussyboy aspect of things to deal with. Those two things can be overwhelming by themselves. I say that because, a lot of times even just as "plain ole bottoms" we're seen as effeminate, not quite manly men. The whole "no fat's, no fems, no this or that" that we see in hookup apps, that I find horrifically offensive. Granted I refer to bottoms as "girls' in my tweets, but I do it, hopefully, in a positive and respectful place empowering those of us who are effeminate gay bottoms. Myself included in that statement. I truly think we have power and strength that commonly by even though society has denied us that power and strength. Now I know not all bottoms are effeminate, hell neither are ll pussyboy's are effeminate but I know plenty that are. And there's nothing wrong with that all. Hell, I celebrate I'm effeminate!

 Coming out by itself can, for some people, be very stressful and even painful and I hope that is not your case. My coming out was fairly easy. I told my mama first and she and I waited a year before I told my abusive father that I was gay. I didn't realize, however, that it was my mama who made my father and the rest of the family civil and polite with me. That realization came the day before she died six years ago, some 32 years after coming out and it was like Hiroshima after the bombing. Decades of hate came flooding to the service from every angle, and to think my mama put a stop to it for all those years makes me love her even more.

And there could be added pressure, from yourself, that your clock is ticking because at 32 you're still a virgin. This too can be stressful as the desire is there, but how, when, where and with whom do I do it with. My advice her is if you find "the right guy" to lose your virginity to is get a full and honest feedback on what and with who this guy has been with. And although I tweet a lot about unsafe sex, I would say don't throw the safe sex option out the window. Condoms, lube the whole lot and if you're in a space were you feel Prep is necessary than do that as well. However, in this day and age some health care plans may still drop you from said plan as they feel you're "participating in risky behavior".

Since you've stated you've read my blog I don't want to rehash things I've said. I want to do my best to say something new.

First of all let me say, if there is a God, and I'm not saying there is or is not; but for the sake of argument there is one--- he/she is something way beyond any singular religion can comprehend. God would be something beyond our wild imaginations. I feel that if there is a God, that God doesn't create mistakes: ie the LGBTQIA+ community or anyone in it. Meaning God wanted us gay. If we are to even remotely believe what is in the Bible "we are all created in his image" than that means God is gay, God is a pussyboy and a struggling 32 year old virgin wanting desperately to change the fact that he is a virgin. God is all of us. And no matter what he/she still loves us.

I think in order to find it, the first thing you need to do is love yourself fully, and even I find myself rolling my eyes when I say that... but there is some truth there otherwise Mama RuPaul wouldn't be saying," If you can't love yourself, how the hell you going to love any body else." Can I get an amen up in here." <lol> My kinda sermon by the way. <lol>. Also let go of the parts of religion that don't help you become your most authentic self.

I wish there were an easy answer to how to go about finding it, but at least part of the journey is done on your own. 

1. Loving yourself. This is easier said than done, and I'll be the first to admit it. But as Mama RuPaul says, "If you can’t love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?" I know I said this a little bit before but it bears repeating.

2. Buy things that embrace your femininity, if that is the route you choose to go; and do it slowly if you have to, because lord knows we aren't all the stereotype of gays with money we can throw away. For example for Christmas this year I bought "The Male Submissive's Worksheet Journal" by Ryan Hubbard. I'm hoping there is something there that I can learn even at 56.

3. Do your daily pussy exercises I talk about here, and if you need to get a dildo then by golly do it! as it will make your first time easier. I'm not sure if you've read this before or not but this is advice strictly for virgins. https://thatsmrfaggot2you.blogspot.com/2020/10/advice-for-virgin-male-bottoms.html

4. Get that cage for yourself you mention and if you've got to hold your own key for awhile do it. If you're not aware of this Locked In Lust at https://lockedinlust offers my followers a discount Code for 10% off. That code is: PB_Breckinridge

5. Join a LGBTQIA+ community center and try to find like minded people, as I think the bars would be a tricker venue; as I'm finding a lot of people are too damn attached to there damn phone to chat to a stranger. Or find us on Twitter, I'm on there and I'd be more than happy to help there too. You'e not alone.

6. If you're virginity is driving you completely insane, I could say go to your nearest bath house, rent a room, and wait pussy up for some one to walk in and pop that cherry. Not maybe the ideal, but it solves it, if you can't take another day of it. I know you mentioned love and I'll get to that. So this idea might not be for you.

Love, lord, where do I even begin? I will say this, it always FOUND me when I wan't looking for it. My first time lasted 3 years before he died of AIDS complications in 1988. We spotted each other at the bar we worked for. He pursued me. Second time around was because I knew how to sew and wanted to make a panel for the National AIDS Memorial Quilt for a mutual friend we shared who died. That relationships lasted 10 years. Once again he pursued me. My last time around was my late husband, we met in an AOL gay men's chatroom, he pursued me and it lasted 18 years, ending July 29th, 2021. I know I've been blessed to have three wonderful men in my life, who helped me fully become me. Giving insight and courage to be fully, authentically me. But it seems like love found me when i wasn't looking for it.

The dating scene has changed so much, even I don't understand it. I've yet to have one date in nearly 18 months. Or have had one man show any interest. No idea why, but it hurts, deeply. The loneliness is overwhelming and I'll be point blank honest, there are times I've been very suicidal. Nights praying I never wake up. Will I ever do anything like that? I highly doubt it, but the thoughts are there. I say this because we all have very dark periods, when we've reached the end of our rope. A lot of times there seems to be no light at all, at the end of the tunnel. But somehow we go through the motions of the day, doing our best to keep our heads above water. I will say a therapist has helped me through a lot of it, but it's not easy. Somehow I hope you can overcome it too.

I'm hoping that like before in my love life, that love, he'll just show up, somehow. I hope he will for you too. But I also know we both have to put ourselves out there to some degree. Make our faces visible. It's not like he's going to find us in some locked tower in the middle of nowhere ala Rupunzel. And I know putting yourself out there isn't easy. Hell, I'm doing it now and I know it's far from easy.

I hope that I've helped. Even just a little and that if you need more advice, or someone that will just listen that you'll reach out. I'm here.