Superiority?

 So, I posted this on Twitter awhile back, something I found on the Internet that I felt fit what I Tweet about, which is being pussyboy, which in my mind--- at least-- is a step differnt than just sub. That, at least for me, I see myself more than just a sub. Maybe, a bit deeper into the mindset-- if you will, but the same ideas just off kilter a bit. I't hard to explain as I'm still trying to process what I truly want to say about MY being pussy, which has changed my first post here on the topic.

Anyway, I got a reply back:

I don't mean to be disrespectful. But I've spent my entire life with that inferiority issue, due largely in part to being overweight and "average." I refuse to be humiliated and shamed just because I don't look like a mainstream porn star. Yet likely perform better than some. I guess this is why I make a lousy sub. I love servicing men, and I take great joy in doing it. I am known for putting the needs/desires of others first. But I am not inferior. As a matter of fact, a skilled "inferior" can have a great deal of control over the "superior" one.

Ok, this is just MY TAKE on this issue. Superiority in my thinking is he has achieved something I never will... MACHISMO! A strong masculine pride. I'm far from masculine. I've been accused of, in the past, of being far too sissified for my own good. Uh, yup. Bingo, you win a prize; and you know something I'm damn proud of it too. I'm gay! I love sex with men! I take it up the ass as much as I can get it. I rarely ever top; I can actually count the times. I view my "hole" as pussy. I call it that, and I enjoy... believe it or not... being emasculated because I've never fully seen myself as a man. I certainly don't see myself as a woman either, I'm unique. Third gender if you will, as Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld wrote and spoke about in the 1890's to 1930's. A male, with a feminine soul.

I wasn't meant to top other men. I knew this very early on, like at fifteen or so; But I knew very early on I was different. The word gay came into my life at thirteen when the bullying started, but it also made everything click. Oh that is what this is. I'm also the type that makes a great housewife. Actually the military came in with one of those tests of what you can do based on a myriad of things and I was told I could be a housewife, or a secretary if I APPLIED myself to do that <lol>. I'm also the type to blur gender lines; like wearing high heeled shoes wearing a man's suit or wear makeup as a man. But I've always been like that. It doesn't make me less just different. Different is good for if we were all the same life would be boring as fuck!

But, societal norms say that does NOT qualify as "manly" before. My response is fuck that! Why do I have to fit YOUR norms? I don't. Not now. Not ever. I'm happy being male, happy being a sissy, happy being a #girlboy, happy being seen as effeminate. I'm truly me and aren't we all suppose to be that way? Our own true selves.

Now on to another issue.... I'm 54 fucking years old! In gay life that's like 350 years old. I've always been average. Always. And as I age, it's still true. But what percentile of our population fit that stereotype? I think it few and far between, with average guys making up the bulk; but we are forced feed this societal norm of male beauty, masculinity, youth, ruggedness and other bullshit that we for MANY reasons buy into it. In all of my years of having sex with men, the vast majority are just average... like me. I've had a few real "head turners" in my day but they are very few; and the older I get the less it happens. Old in gay life seems to represent undesirable but yet last year when I did research into aging and being gay 60% of our LGBTQIA+ population is OVER 50 years old! Where is that representation? Where is that gay porn? Where are those models and images--- you get the idea. No where because aging for society is undesirable as well. Honey we all, for the most part do it. As my Gram used to say it beats the alternative!

I'm going to be brutally honest here. I've suffered from body dysmorphia my entire life when it comes to my weight, and no matter what I weigh it is 3000% worse than reality! From being anorexic at 105 pounds--- I stand 5ft. 10 in. by the way--- to obese at 280 pounds. So I get the issue big time. In the last year and a half I went from 280 to 180. I look amazing! I feel better too. But I worked my butt off. But, if I get back up there I know now I'm comfortable with my self image--- finally--- no matter what I weigh. Health is a different issue for me, anyways but that's another post <lol>.

I think, at least for some of us, that are subs we might long to be the things we are not; but true happiness comes in knowing who you are, what you are and what you want. Accepting it, embracing it, and finally celebrating it!

I think our journey's in life are uniquely our own. Our struggles, trials, triumphs, tragedy's, successes, failures or whatever are also uniquely our own as we individually handle these issues differently. The paths we choose are different. The results are different. It's all different. But, I also think we can all learn from each other if we just listen.

Superiority and inferiority is a societal pressure. Somebody, always has to be better at something, or so it seems. But I'm not one that advocates shaming, belittling, bullying others EVER! Differences just make us different nothing more.

How I can make my boy pussy as accessible and pleasurable for men as possible?

The full question I got recently is: "How can I make my boy  pussy as accessible and pleasurable for men as possible? I mean I have sex pretty often, but I want to get bred full of cum and maybe even piss <lol>. Used and abused."

There are a couple of things I want to say here. A few different ideas, and of course "address in the elephant in the room." The elephant of course is COVID-19, which for many has abruptly ended their sex life; forcing many to only "toy"/dildo use and while enough for some guys it is also sadly lacking for many others. Speaking for myself, I went into self isolation in March and only partially came out of it about two months ago. But for me, it is where I fully embraced myself, my identity as a pussyboy even though I've bottomed for years, where my embracing the language and thinking of pussyboys came from. It also brought my first prostrate orgasm and first hands free ejaculation. COVID-19 brought about a lot of self discovery and not just sexually. COVID-19 also for many hookup sites like Adam4Adam has dried up completely, and made connections impossible. The temporary bar closures and even limited hours didn't help any either. The closure of bath houses/sex clubs made it even worse.

There is a tip in my advice to bottom virgins about toy/dildo play that could apply here, as at the very least keep you "in prime working order", if you will. Although many of us grew tired and frustrated with only dildo play for months on end. I think however it can, and should be a normal part of your "sex life". The more familiar with and acquainted with how your boypussy works the better the sex you'll have. Also be willing to try different lengths and girths of dildos as each feels different, makes you respond differently, different sensations and many adore the "stretching" process. You'll know. My advice is go slow, they say quarter-inch increments at a time. Again if this is your "thing".

Diet and enema's as discussed in the same post would apply here. So would staying hairless, if that is your thing and that can be seen in the hair remover post from earlier in the blog. Some may even add exercise to this, as a fit boy is a happy one, and a fit boy is better "equipped" in the sack--- or so they say.

Access in my mind is not just being physically ready for bottoming at the drop of a hat but also mentally ready as well and that is different for everybody. It's the head space where your thinking more sexually than rationally, and that can be a good thing and a bad thing too. A lot of it depends on the individual person, unfortunately shame, guilt or doubts play a role when they should not. I'm not much into thinking a sexual compulsion, or even sexual addiction is a bad thing. It can be a great thing. Follow your inner voice, and needs--- I say listen to the needs of your pussy. Who am I to say to little is too little, or to much is too much? That varies too. For some getting fucked stupid twenty times a week is not enough, for others it's way too much.

As far as the mind/thinking go STOP feeling any shame or guilt for being a bottom. That's just crazy in my book. Tops needs bottoms and bottoms need tops. Without one the other doesn't really exist now does it? Also STOP feeling guilt for the amount of sex you have. I don't care if it's some crazy number. Guilt over sex is a religious concept, created and promoted by men--- repressed men with too much time on their hands in my opinion who should be having sex, or at the very least masturbating. Shame can ruin you. It's not worth it. It wastes your time and energy. Don't feel any of it!

I'd say post in online hookup apps, chatrooms for some hookups too although I think for many that's gone to the wayside too, cruise gay bars if you can or if open, sex clubs and bath houses are an option too--- if open as well. Some say they have luck posting for "partners/hookups" on Twitter. I've never been big on cruising toilets or parks as the risk of arrest is too high for me. If push comes to shove some even resort to hiring a pro, an escort--- if that is your thing. I'd check local laws as in some areas hiring an escort can be illegal.

If you feel at risk for HIV/AIDS go on PREP, get tested and for the rest of sexually transmitted diseases. Knowledge is power. 

Join a gay group: from baseball, to a gay community center group, again if they are available do to COVID-19.

I'm also one of those guys who always, always free-ball's or wears assless underwear for easier access, might sound silly--- but the less I have to take off, or put back on the happier I am.

As far as the used and "abused" idea goes be brutally honest with the guy/guys you are with about your desires, fantasies and yes, even your "needs". They will either be into it, or run fleeing. That's them though and not you, so DON'T take on their rejection of a bit "rougher" play. 

Set your limits, set your safe word and boundaries and have fun. There's this crazy notion that the tops set all of those ideas/rules as we are the "submissive" ones. That's a bunch of crap, especially in the case of a new relationship or "trick" who knows very little, or nothing about you. As the sub we set the rules, the guidelines, how far we want to go as we know our limits. We also have the right to say NO at anytime and the right to ask them to leave, especially if their just a trick, at anytime. I'm also going to say if the top crosses those lines it's abuse. Abuse is abuse is abuse--- uncalled for, unwanted, not agreed to or forced upon us is just wrong. Get out of that situation as fast as you can! 

https://1in6.org/helpline/  or call 1-877-628-1in6 the National Helpline for Men Who Were Sexually Abused or Assaulted