Superiority?

 So, I posted this on Twitter awhile back, something I found on the Internet that I felt fit what I Tweet about, which is being pussyboy, which in my mind--- at least-- is a step differnt than just sub. That, at least for me, I see myself more than just a sub. Maybe, a bit deeper into the mindset-- if you will, but the same ideas just off kilter a bit. I't hard to explain as I'm still trying to process what I truly want to say about MY being pussy, which has changed my first post here on the topic.

Anyway, I got a reply back:

I don't mean to be disrespectful. But I've spent my entire life with that inferiority issue, due largely in part to being overweight and "average." I refuse to be humiliated and shamed just because I don't look like a mainstream porn star. Yet likely perform better than some. I guess this is why I make a lousy sub. I love servicing men, and I take great joy in doing it. I am known for putting the needs/desires of others first. But I am not inferior. As a matter of fact, a skilled "inferior" can have a great deal of control over the "superior" one.

Ok, this is just MY TAKE on this issue. Superiority in my thinking is he has achieved something I never will... MACHISMO! A strong masculine pride. I'm far from masculine. I've been accused of, in the past, of being far too sissified for my own good. Uh, yup. Bingo, you win a prize; and you know something I'm damn proud of it too. I'm gay! I love sex with men! I take it up the ass as much as I can get it. I rarely ever top; I can actually count the times. I view my "hole" as pussy. I call it that, and I enjoy... believe it or not... being emasculated because I've never fully seen myself as a man. I certainly don't see myself as a woman either, I'm unique. Third gender if you will, as Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld wrote and spoke about in the 1890's to 1930's. A male, with a feminine soul.

I wasn't meant to top other men. I knew this very early on, like at fifteen or so; But I knew very early on I was different. The word gay came into my life at thirteen when the bullying started, but it also made everything click. Oh that is what this is. I'm also the type that makes a great housewife. Actually the military came in with one of those tests of what you can do based on a myriad of things and I was told I could be a housewife, or a secretary if I APPLIED myself to do that <lol>. I'm also the type to blur gender lines; like wearing high heeled shoes wearing a man's suit or wear makeup as a man. But I've always been like that. It doesn't make me less just different. Different is good for if we were all the same life would be boring as fuck!

But, societal norms say that does NOT qualify as "manly" before. My response is fuck that! Why do I have to fit YOUR norms? I don't. Not now. Not ever. I'm happy being male, happy being a sissy, happy being a #girlboy, happy being seen as effeminate. I'm truly me and aren't we all suppose to be that way? Our own true selves.

Now on to another issue.... I'm 54 fucking years old! In gay life that's like 350 years old. I've always been average. Always. And as I age, it's still true. But what percentile of our population fit that stereotype? I think it few and far between, with average guys making up the bulk; but we are forced feed this societal norm of male beauty, masculinity, youth, ruggedness and other bullshit that we for MANY reasons buy into it. In all of my years of having sex with men, the vast majority are just average... like me. I've had a few real "head turners" in my day but they are very few; and the older I get the less it happens. Old in gay life seems to represent undesirable but yet last year when I did research into aging and being gay 60% of our LGBTQIA+ population is OVER 50 years old! Where is that representation? Where is that gay porn? Where are those models and images--- you get the idea. No where because aging for society is undesirable as well. Honey we all, for the most part do it. As my Gram used to say it beats the alternative!

I'm going to be brutally honest here. I've suffered from body dysmorphia my entire life when it comes to my weight, and no matter what I weigh it is 3000% worse than reality! From being anorexic at 105 pounds--- I stand 5ft. 10 in. by the way--- to obese at 280 pounds. So I get the issue big time. In the last year and a half I went from 280 to 180. I look amazing! I feel better too. But I worked my butt off. But, if I get back up there I know now I'm comfortable with my self image--- finally--- no matter what I weigh. Health is a different issue for me, anyways but that's another post <lol>.

I think, at least for some of us, that are subs we might long to be the things we are not; but true happiness comes in knowing who you are, what you are and what you want. Accepting it, embracing it, and finally celebrating it!

I think our journey's in life are uniquely our own. Our struggles, trials, triumphs, tragedy's, successes, failures or whatever are also uniquely our own as we individually handle these issues differently. The paths we choose are different. The results are different. It's all different. But, I also think we can all learn from each other if we just listen.

Superiority and inferiority is a societal pressure. Somebody, always has to be better at something, or so it seems. But I'm not one that advocates shaming, belittling, bullying others EVER! Differences just make us different nothing more.