First and foremost, a submissive can mean a lot of things. A submissive can mean princess, baby girl, or boi and this a is term that is commonly used on this site. But a submissive is not necessarily those things. Unless you are submissive and get off on being those things in sexual role-playing.
As a general principle, most submissives share a couple of traits, none of which are negative in and of themselves. They do not like to lead or direct, at least in their interpersonal relationships. They like to follow and be directed. They admire strength, whether of character, body, or personality. They enjoy serving others. Generally, but not always, they prefer the receptive or passive role in sex. Submissives tend to have a modest view of their own positive characteristics, frequently not attributing sufficient value to those. They are attracted to confident men. Patriarchy, but not necessarily toxic masculinity, comes naturally to them.
Some things have come to be understood as submissive traits that are not. They have nothing to do with being submissive.
Being submissive does not mean being unintelligent. Some boys are quite well-educated. Others are quite intelligent, though not necessarily educated. Being a submissive does not mean being brainless. With a handful of exceptions, I think most dominants appreciate an intelligent boy. An educated boy with skills has even more value.
Being a submissive does not mean being weak. Many submissives are confident and accomplished in their chosen fields. Many are physically fit. Many are natural-born leaders in crisis situations. Submission is not about the absence of power. It is about the yielding of that power to another under appropriate circumstances.
Being a submissive does not mean losing your identity. While submissives tend to define themselves as their dominants, remember that a dominant cannot exist without a submissive either. Yes, a submissive should endeavor to be pleasing to his chosen dominant. But dominants also enjoy boys who are unique and different. They like boys who bring something to the relationship that the dominant does not. A dominant should mold his boy. He should not have to create him from scratch.
To illustrate the point, many dominants fall short in the empathy and sensitivity areas and seek submissives who can complement the relationship by bringing those qualities to the table, so to speak. In Interview with a Vampire, Lestat's desire for Louie is because he is empathic and compassionate. It was a way for Lestat to maintain some part of his humanity. For many dominants, a submissive's softer side does the same for them. Because most Dominants are protectors, they correspondingly seek caregivers. Daddy/boy, Husband/boy wife, and even Master/slave are examples of roles that complement each other in which one protects and provides, the other serves and dotes providing affection, even adoration. Each contributes something different. Even the Greek gods needed humans to worship them.
Being a submissive does not mean losing all autonomy. A submissive should be able to be independent, even though he chooses not to. The choice must be available in various aspects of the relationship. Body autonomy, hard limits, and financial integrity are all essential to being in a healthy Dominant/submissive relationship.
While the frequent fantasy is that a submissive has no safe words or doesn't have the right to say no, in fact, they do for a couple of reasons. I won't go into all of them, but the most important is that forcing a boy to do something that runs against deeply held values can damage the boy mentally and emotionally, perhaps even permanently. A good Dominant, despite the "sexy talk," will recognize this. A self-aware submissive will not hesitate to ask for it.
The right to control should not be confused with actual control. While I like picking out a boy's clothes, deciding where we go and what we eat, as well as which activities we engage in, I don't want to do it on a 24/7 basis. Don't get me wrong. I want the right to do it on a 24/7 basis. But actually, micromanaging another human being on a 24/7 basis is exhausting. At some point, it ceases to be fun and can in fact turn a Dominant off. A submissive is supposed to be a companion, not a child.
A boy should have his own interests, friends, likes, and dislikes. To the extent these conflict with the Dominant's own desires, they should and must be discussed and reconciled in some manner. A submissive should be able to function in the absence of his Dominant, and more importantly, act in the interest of the Dominant when he cannot do so for himself, due to absence, illness, or other circumstances.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that submissives and the degree of submission operate on a sliding scale unique to each boy and his Man. There is no right way to be a submissive nor be a Dominant. A boy is free to explore a Dominant/submissive relationship in the context of the degree of his willingness to submit. If a boy is worthy and valuable, a Dominant will work within that framework to acquire the boy. It doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing proposition.
If you are a submissive, do not fall into the trap of allowing this site to define who you are. You can be as much a boy as you want. There are no rules. You don't have to be a slave. You don't have to profess that you have no worth. You don't have to drink piss. You don't even have to wear a collar and submit to undeserved punishments. That is not to say that some or all of these are not useful in a Dominant/submissive relationship whether to help keep a boy in subspace or to fulfill a desired kink. It's just that you don't HAVE to do them. You may merge aspects of several roles or adapt them to your situation as works for both of you. A good Dominant will hear you out and help you explore the limits of your submission, and where he cannot convince you to explore those limits, respect them.
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