I know it's been awhile since I posted anything, it's that my days just go by to quickly as I'm a 24-7 caregiver here at home--- it's complicated at best and I'll leave it at that for now. You're not here for my issues, you're here for my insight and hopefully my advice. I have an interview coming up for here that I think you all will be VERY excited about, and I was beyond thrilled that he said yes. I want to keep it a surprise till the interview is up; so mum is the word.
Today's meme's all deal with Daddy.... and I don't mean your father here. As so many of us, especially as gay men have huge issues with our father's, myself included. Won't get into that here either but what I will say is I think it is why so many of us gravitate towards strong, dominate type men who we are sexually attracted to and we end up calling Daddy.
The term daddy is relative. A younger gay man that is very mature, very responsible, looks after others or fulfils a provider role in some way could be seen as a daddy to someone the same age that is less mature/responsible/etc.
Daddy used to have a pretty specific meaning in the gay community. It meant an older gay man who would help mentor, and teach, and usually sleep with, younger men who were entering the community. I knew a few amazing Daddies when I was younger. Today, the term usually means someone older - or someone who seems to be older - who gives off a nurturing/dominant look or vibe. It's hardly an insult, and when it is said in regard to you should accept it as a terrific compliment.
Jonathon Borg in his 2017 article "Why People Are Calling Hot Guys Daddy" said:
Outside of gay culture, however, I’ve noticed pop culture has adopted the term too. Issa Rae’s lead character on Insecure throws the term around, and in 2017, "daddy" has seemingly morphed into "zaddy," another version of the term that essentially has the same meaning.
According to Urban Dictionary, guys considered "zaddy" basically have the "It" factor. They're stylish. They're perceived as cool. They have their s— together. And obviously they're hot. Typically, they're rich.
I turned to Jack Halmberstam a professor of English and Gender Studies at Columbia University, and the author of several books like In a Queer Time and Place, The Queer Art of Failure, Female Masculinity, and Gaga Feminism: Sex, Gender, and the End of Normal.
The answer, it turns out, is that it’s an incredibly complex term rooted across several groups in history, and one that continues to evolve.
“From my perspective, it comes from black culture. I think that’s a pretty accurate origin story if you needed one,” Halberstam says, explaining that terms like “mommy” and “daddy” became sexualized in a post-slavery period, when black kinship was disoriented.
It’s also Freudian. “Unfortunately, we do still live in this matrix of family relationships that are both taboo and eroticized and often eroticized precisely where a parent is absent, rather than where the parent is present, and that’s really a psychoanalytic way of thinking about it. It lingers from a number of difference sources.”
For me, the term is an emotional bond to the main I am deeply bonded to emotionally, sexually, spiritually and in the past has been used primarily to the three men who have been my husbands (two of whom have died). Of course I have used like a vast majority of gay men during really hot, intense sex. I mean who hasn't right? Things like: "Fuck my pussy, Daddy." For me if it feels right saying it, I say it; and I don't overthink my saying it. You shouldn't either.
Of course, I should say that I think you should also read the Daddy vs. daddy post as well for more insight into this interesting topic.
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