Interview with @Jockfag79 of Twitter

@jockfag79: I'm getting a lot more confident since I started full-time chastity and posting on Twitter. I'm getting lots of compliments

me: you should, looking at your content I LOVE it!!!!

@jockfag79: I'm having a HELL of a lot of fun showing off on here.

me: I bet. I haven't gotten that brave yet, to tweet myself, not fully anyway.

@jockfag79: A lot of stuff for me this year has been about being brave and going what I want/need instead playing it safe.

me: Mine has been empowering other pussyboys.

@jockfag79: And I love that you're doing that! There's too much fantasy and kink that denigrates pussyboys/fags, and while I get that eveybody has their kinks, that one bothers me. I'm not worthless and I'm not pathetic. Perverted as fuck, maybe...

me: Exactly! Submissive/passive sure, but I don't shit for being me.

@jockfag79: Exactly, and I sure enjoy some verbal abuse from time to time, but it doesn't reflect my self worth.

me. EXACTLY! That's the point. I can get into the "games" of word play, but it doesn't mean they are me, or affect me either; as you said we have worth.

@jockfag79: I like feeling dirty and exposed, but that's different. Yeah... without getting into language theory and things like semiotics, words can have power... but they don't HAVE to have power.

me: Preach! There's a huge difference and so man people miss that point.

@jockfag79: Besides, without us, tops would be up sit creek.

me. Hallelujer! I've said that, or close to that so many times.

@jockfag79: It takes work and skill to be a useful sex object for tops. Being a hot top is easy: be halfway attractive and have a hard dick. Being a hot sub is a lot harder. Love the essay on #3rdgenderpussy, btw! It's something I'd been kind of thinking for a while, that being a faggot is a gender more than a sexual role.

me. Me too. I just began reading that Magnus Hirshfeld was saying that in 1897!

@jockfah79: DAMN!

me: It's kind of both for me, sexual and gender.

@jockfag79: Oh it's definitely sexual.

me: Thank goddess, huh?

@jockfag79: Haha, really. Having a pussy feels so good.

me: Sure does and I love having one!

@jockfag79: Since I locked up and got claimed, I've been using my toys a LOT more.

me: I've really been pondering locking up. I call toy play my pussy workouts.

@jockfag: It's definitely a workout.

me: The only word for me that DOES have power, and summarizes who I am inside and out is pussy or cunt (twat even) for it is WHO I am and what I have without having to physically or surgically change anything about me.

@jockfag79: I haven't found any single word that fits perfectly, so I don't get too worked up over any of them.

me: for me it's anything "fem" about my "hole".

@jockfag79: I definitely prefer to use pussy or cunt to refer to it. Anything that emphasizes that it's meant to receive cocks

me: That's my thinking too, anything else doesn't really embrace or emphasize that we are meant to receive cocks, or that we love doing it.

@jockfag79: Part of what I like about "fag/faggot" is that it encourages some humiliation and verbal abuse... but for some tops that's all they see.

me: How did caging change your thinking?

@jockfag79: Well, it kind of makes SEX the #1 thing in my mind, all the time. It's always there even when I'm doing other things. But because I can't use or even feel the thing inside the cage, "sex" doesn't have anything to do with it, or with penetrating, or with having an orgasm. "Sex" starts to mean being penetrated, being used for the pleasure and satisfaction of someone else, being displayed/shown off/exposed for the pleasure of someone else, turned into an object that exists for other men's pleasure. And the longer I'm caged, the more intense that feeling gets. It's not enough to fuck myself on a dildo: I need Men to watch me fucking myself on the dildo.

me: Is that when you fully accepted the idea of just being a pussy for men?

@jockfag79: Because they can enjoy the sight and be turned on by it. Yeah.

me: Enough to fuck you as well. So for somebody like me, whose never been caged, would you recommend it? Cautions?

@jockfag79: I mean, I love being caged and I'd recommend it. If you're at all curious, you should try it. I think the main cautions are:

1. Don't pressure yourself to go a long time at first, or even ever. Full-time chastity is a hot fantasy for some of us, but it's not always possible and some guys don't handle it that well. It's a personal thing.

And 2, it might take a few tries to get the right cage. The first cage I had was WAY too big. That meant I could move around in it, which caused chafing, and it looked like I was seriously packing in my pants, which felt completely wrong for someone whose sexuality is about their holes. Some guys move to smaller cages gradually, but unless you're really hung it probably isn't necessary. I'm average sized but my tiny metal cage feels great. It's comfortable, it's easy to wear, it doesn't get in the way. If I try to get hard it pulls on my balls and hurts like HELL. For me that feels appropriate, because it's probably going to be effective at teaching me not to get hard, but other guys might be really bothered by it.

me: What about shrinkage?

@jockfag79: I haven't seen any conclusive evidence that permanent shrinkage is a thing. A lot of us fantasize about it, but anatomy suggests it doesn't work that way. If you were locked up for 5 years, yeah, it would be small when you unlocked, but if you left it unlocked and kept getting hard, it ought to regain its normal size eventually.

The other caution would be that a cage usually changes how you pee, and a cage that's too big will make it messier. With a smaller cage, you can line up all the appropriate holes and they stay lined up pretty well. You might not be able to pee standing up, but things will be cleaner.

Having to sit down helps emphasize the "feminine" side, so it's yet one more way that your sexual role is reinforced in your mind.

All pics from @jockfag79 with his permission

Do people really shame bottoms?

Bottom shaming is real and no matter where it occurs, I always seem to get the same feedback from local gays. “This place is full of bottoms,” they’ll say, often pairing the remark with a dramatic eye roll. This response irks me because:

 (1) it’s a form of bottom-shaming, a heteronormative influenced form of discrimination in an already oppressed community, and

 (2) it assumes that I am also a bottom, without inquiring or getting to know me better. Which assumes that there is something very wrong with being a bottom in the first place.

(3) That is a Top shortage so we are all competing in the same people for tops which means, in theory, that if a top has had a sexual encounter with us he more than likely has with most of our friends who bottom as well.

Research that exists doesn’t even support the community-based assumption. Research published in Archives of Sexual Behavior surveyed over 400 men from Craigslist personal ads and found that half of the men identify as versatile while the other half were equally tops and bottoms. Interestingly, after following up with the versatile men from the survey, they found that only half actually switched positions, with 48 percent being bottoms and 52 percent being tops.

Do bottoms outnumber tops?

A published a poll on positional preference to Twitter, the numbers were the opposite:

 with 59 percent identifying as bottoms and 41 percent as tops. 

(The researcher intentionally left versatile men out of the poll as a response to the previous study.) With loose research consistently contradicting itself, the gentleman behind the research wanted to know if bottoms actually do outnumber tops, or is there some form of disappointing stigmatization toward bottoms that influences the perception of overabundance. There are many forms of stigmatization that goes thousands of years when it comes to the topic of being the bottom. 

The most recent example that comes to mind is that of Declan Blake known on Twitter as @glitterybttm, the tweet reads--- 

"on my birthday someone got a hold of this very private video of me, and without my permission sent it to my close friends and family, posted it on pornhub with my real name, posted it on their onlyfans, and posted it on Twitter. Since then, it has circulated Twitter on countless different accounts claiming to be me or just cuz its really fucking hot, its been reposted to pornhub, and sent to me by numerous friends and strangers asking if I am aware of the “naughty” video of me on the internet. I still don’t quite understand why I was being harassed, but it lead to issues in my relationships, friendships, and my own mental health. And let’s not forget all the kind words from strangers on male general and other LPSG threads. Since this frustrating incident, I’ve owned and embraced my sexuality and my kink/fetish journey as a part of my identity. And thank god, because no one should ever feel anything less than empowered by their sexuality". 

As I quickly found, much of the time a more feminine appearance or even "perceived feminine" demeaner gives many the "false" impression that individuals are bottoms. As if being feminine is:

1. An inherently bad trait, period. Which by the way is ludicrous. Unlike his masculine counterpart, the effeminate gay man doesn’t have the luxury of hiding behind a butch façade until he is comfortable with coming out of the closet. You know the type. Stereotypically speaking, he can learn the choreography to the latest pop song more quickly than you can learn the lyrics. In high school he had to make a beeline for his car the minute the bell rang so that he could avoid the worn-out name calling, bullying or even violence. The Bedazzler was, is, and always will be his best childhood friend.

    Yes, "we" queeny gays may have been born with a serious masculinity deficiency, but that is exactly what makes us the epitome of strength. As someone who has always straddled the masculine/feminine divide, I desperately sought to play up my butch qualities and minimize my fairy wings as much as humanly possible — until I opened my mouth, of course. I sounded more like a chipmunk with a lisp than the boy. I have learned to embrace and enjoy my feminine qualities just as much as my masculine ones.

    

If masculinity is paramount, something that all men must strive for to be considered “real” men, then gay men, by definition, will always be considered lesser than their straight counterparts. We gay men know that there isn’t one definition of what a “real” man is. Hell, we are living proof. So discounting or stifling any feminine characteristics that we may have is a slap in the face of our own culture and an admission to others that there is something to suppress. The gay men who couldn’t help but shoot glitter out of every orifice were the ones who propelled gay rights into the mainstream. As we get closer to becoming fully integrated in the larger society, it is important that we not allow any segment of our own community to suffer in the process.

    To the queens who have been beaten up, marginalized and mangled for refusing to cave in to the norm, you are the true heroes of the gay movement. It is these men to whom we owe our freedom to be the exact type of gay man that we were made to be, and nothing else.

2. Some of the most feminine appearing men I've met are big ole tops, who know how to do what they do and very well at that.

“I always think twinks are naturally bottoms.” Uh, ok have they not seen Helix or some of the scorching Bel Ami?  But the amount I’ve heard ‘Yeah, and that twink ended up being a top,’ has, over time, shifted views of what a bottom looks like. This theme of “femininity equals bottom” consistently presented itself online and was arguably one of the strongest influences to this baseless perception.

3. This idea that we as bottoms take on the penetrated role makes us "less" manly in many gay/bi/DL mens eyes. This is also beyond ridiculous because with out bottoms there is NO need for tops, but keep in mind if there were no tops there would be NO need for bottoms either. We need each other to get the job done, unless you want decades of solo one handed or dildo pleasure---nothing wrong with that either but I wouldn't it to be my ONLY option.

“Oftentimes, the use of the word ‘bottom’ is less about someone’s preferred sexual position and, instead, becomes coded language for any type of ‘undesirable’ qualities among gay men,” 

Top privilege & misogyny

“Gay men are not exempt from misogyny which is the root of labelling men as bottoms,” Twitter user @TheLePereira adds. “If a man is vers or femme he is automatically labeled a bottom and not seen as desirable by most gay men.” He continues, “The notion a vers or femme man can top or top well is seen as practically laughable by the greater community. But even that misogyny can be linked to our communities need of hyper masculine behavior due to shared generational trauma of the HIV epidemic and social constructs.” However I feel this trauma even predates the advent of HIV/AIDS be centuries

Psychotherapist Daniel Olavarria narrows this perception down to internalized homophobia, ”which places a premium on heteronormative concepts of masculinity.”  He does have a point. In a study published by Psychology & Sexuality, researchers wrote that gay men use the word “bottom” to criticize men with feminine traits—in so doing, bullying them into conforming with heteronormative gender expectations.

“Oftentimes, the use of the word ‘bottom’ is less about someone’s preferred sexual position and, instead, becomes coded language for any type of ‘undesirable’ qualities among gay men,” Olavarria shares. “Suddenly someone who is considered feminine, shallow, or ‘messy’ becomes indicative of this overabundance of ‘bottoms.’ It also highlights the demand for a certain type of top – one who fulfills a range of hyper-masculine qualities. Tops that don’t fit the bill are labeled undesirable and dismissed as ‘bottoms.’”

Others have a more positive approach to the presumption, insisting bottoms have taken the power back and are more loud and proud than tops. “I think bottoms are just louder and hungrier about wanting sex, the squeaky wheel gets the grease as they say so people ‘see’ more bottoms.”

Too many bottoms, not enough tops?

Jason Orne, queer sociologist and author of Boystown, insists “the world is not full of bottoms” citing “network segregation” as a possible explanation. He resolves bottoms are often friends with other bottoms because gay men tend to befriend online users who are not compatible. So in a group full of bottoms, conversations around a lack of tops is inevitable. He argues, in his experience, tops also complain they don’t know any bottoms and many men also shared the same sentiment with me. “There’s never enough of what you’re looking for.”

Orne says,  “However, we also have to think about search pool probability: say if a top only cums once, then he’s out of the hook up pool,” Orne adds. “But a bottom might try to keep hooking up, thereby keeping more bottoms in the pool of hookup partners.”

Busting the myths, top to bottom

Obviously, there are a number of – mostly social and non-factual – factors that influence the belief that bottoms far outnumber tops.  Scruff has factual information (far more accurate than any research has found) regarding the positional preference of their user base. Considering the app hosts over 15 million users around the world, it’s a fairly significant sample. In their most recent data dive, Scruff found the figures were evenly distributed among users that identified as top, bottom and vers – about 33 percent for each. So there you have it. That’s the answer: there are no more bottoms than tops, at least not enough to warrant a community-wide complaint. It’s all lies. Falsities. Fabrications.

The next time you want to complain about the overabundance of bottoms, consider the above and perhaps re-assess why you feel that way.

#3rdgenderpussy REVISED

I've had a lot of time to think lately, and I had this idea that as bottom gay men (ie: pussyboys, men who view/think of their anuses as pussy that for a lot of us we simply see ourselves only that way). See my post about being a pussy boy for more thoughts on it. Anyway, I've had three conversations this week about us being not male or female, but something very uniquely different. All mindset mostly, but also sexually. The idea that while male we are not men, just maybe boys; yet possess a pussy but not quite female either, although many of us think of ourselves as girls/gurls.

There is the whole idea that being feminine or "girly" and a male is a bad thing, something to be despised, ridiculed, reviled and seen as downright disgusting. I say bullshit! What or who gets to decide those things? Seriously, have you ever thought about that? None of us are the same, thankfully nor are we all created on the same level-- another shocking idea but guess what it's all ok. Men/males are allowed to cry, show emotion, enjoy things deemed feminine, see ourselves and behave as such and nothing is wrong with that either. There is is the whole idea too that women/females or anything in anyway related to them is seen as negative in regard to masculinity and I say bullshit to that too! That as males/boys, or what have you, that we can not and should not see our anuses as pussies or cunts or anything other feminine slang and I say bullshit to that too.

Not all bottoms are pussy. Controversial idea, for some I am sure, but for me it seems to be the truth. As pussyboys the vast majority of us only use "feminine" terms, if you will, for our anus/rectums---- pussy, cunt, twat gash or some combination of those words with others like boypussy/bussy/ and even mussy (short for manpussy, for those of us to old to not to be "boys", although boy is a state of mind as well). Not all bottoms think like this, nor do they want to for that matter, language for them is no "big" issue and may be just be simple "hole" and or "ass" end of story. Then the people in between the two ideas who may or may not fall into either group fully. 

A fair amount of us put ourselves, or our tops/Daddies put us into chastity locking/controlling the use of of our dicks although "unique" language can apply here as well i.e.: dicklet, cocklet, nub, clit, clitty, nubbin or other language that may fit that person best. But then again not all of us do that either, however here in the last three months I've noticed a "trend" in gay porn videos where the bottom stays completely limp while getting fucked silly. Maybe it's a nod to this idea of just their pussy being used or not, or that the use of their pussy outweighs actual ejaculation or not, or who knows the real reason why. I find it fascinating and intriguing to say the very least. Maybe it's because all our focus is on our pussy being fucked, maybe, like me, I find it easier getting fucked while limp.

My twitter explodes in likes, retweets, comments each time I refer to us as "girls" and I get it big time. The idea of pussyboys being girlie/feminine is a huge thing and I'm beginning to understand it in ways I never have given much thought about until recently. The idea of having feminine features: soft, hairless, docile, submissive, passive, non-confrontational, desiring to fully satisfy those we serve, a "weaker sex" even if you will, wearing lace panties, crossing our legs when sitting. Certainly not men, maybe not even male or even "boy" but something uniquely different, unique and wonderful. Again this is not certainly everyone who bottoms because the range of those who bottom is vast, diverse and no two people are thankfully exactly alike. How boring would that be? Add to this, as I believe I did in my post about being a pussyboy, lacy frilly "girlie" things like thigh highs, garters, lace panties/crotchless included, lingerie and even high-heels you can see the draw to being "girls". However, as I believe in my post about being pussyboys, anything beyond the aforementioned items, just my opinion, become something else: crossdressing, drag, impersonation, transgender in all of it's varying degrees and with all of their thinking/attitudes/beliefs and what they all bring to the table of diversity.

There is also has been a lot of talk about service this week too on Twitter, and for some of us being of service goes way beyond the sexual as well, and I get that too. There is is this whole idea of the 1950's Submissive that some people fall into, and that could be another post at another time for the sake of length here. 

But for me, personally, the biggest service I can be, the one that fulfills me in ways that normal service at times seems to lacks is being sexual. Meaning, naked, on all fours, my pussy high in the air and being used sexually as merely pussy. Sexual service for me is everything, it is why I bottomed the very first time I had sex, and why I 98% of the time bottom now. I view myself as HAVING pussy, meaning I want, need, desire, thrive and yes even fully live as a full and happy person with a dick/dicks, and yes even load/loads up my pussy. I was born to be pussy, meaning I'm happy with what I've been given, not questioning my gender but knowing full well as being gay, a bottom, a "boy", if you will--- which I believe is about state of mind versus age. That I was born to be fucked my men, and don't take offense in my my saying this; but by as many that WANT to fuck me. Basically a whore.

@fagdevon of Twitter tweeted out: "I’m nothing more than a life support system for my cunt. It’s meant to bring real Men pleasure!!" Immediate like and retweet from me because he gets it big time. That even his physical body is nothing more that the support system for being nothing more than cunt/pussy. I've felt this way since March myself, as nothing more than that and as I said above feel truly fulfilled when I'm like that, maybe it's the whore in me as I've also stated. It simply began because of a Pornhub video in which Devin Franco is called "pussy" back in March 2020, near the start of my self-isolation because of COVID-19. A whole new world was opened to me, a whole new way of thinking, and knowing very deep within me it was me, and has been me for decades, going to the very first time I was fucked.

If you follow me on Twitter I tweet mostly about being pussy, celebrating it, embracing it, claiming it and yes empowering us. No need for shame in my mind, or guilt even. It is innately who we are, a third gender, two-spirit person and in that thinking---just merely pussy. Can it be an option like on the census or something, just saying. My thinking also leads me to this idea that every tweet I send out it is going to include the hashtag #3rdgenderpussy actually thought up by @fagdevon, so thanks for that Devon. Devon and I had a conversation on Twitter about my findings on Native American thinking, historically, of being third-gender or what they term now as two-spirited as it "seems" more appropriate in our age of "political correctness/politeness". Once I began researching though I was fascinated by the idea and that this thinking goes back hundreds of years.

Below if you're interested is a brief history on two-spirit or third gender as they also call it and I think it supports my thinking, from a modern and historical point of view. I hope you get the thinking as well, and if it you that you too can take on this thinking as well.

Two-Spirit (also two spirit or, occasionally, two-spirited) is a modern, pan-Indian, umbrella term  used by some Indigenous North Americans to describe Native people in their communities who fulfill a traditional third-gender or other gender-variant which os a ceremonial and social role in their cultures.

The term two-spirit was created in 1990 at the Indigenous lesbian and gay international gathering in Winnipeg. The primary purpose of coining a new term was to encourage the replacement of the outdated and considered offensive, anthropological term, berdache. 

The term two-spirit is thus an Aboriginal-specific term of resistance to colonization and non-transferable to other cultures. There are several underlying reasons for two spirited Aboriginals' desire to distance themselves from the mainstream queer community." For Aboriginal people, their sexual orientation or gender identity is secondary to their ethnic identity. At the core of contemporary two-spirit identities is ethnicity, an awareness of being Native American as opposed to being white or being a member of any other ethnic group.

Berdache, in a very broad manner, is to identify an indigenous individual fulfilling one of many mixed gender roles in their tribe. Often in their writings they applied this term to any male who they perceived to be homosexual, bisexual, or effeminate, leading to a wide variety of diverse individuals being categorized under this imprecise term. At times they incorrectly implied that these individuals were intersex (or, hermaphrodites. The term berdache has always been repugnant to Indigenous people. De Vries writes, "Berdache is a derogatory term created by Europeans and perpetuated by anthropologists to define Native American who varied from Western norms that perceive gender, sex, and sexuality as binaries and inseparable." It derives from the French bardache meaning "passive homosexual", or even boy prostitute.

Nations and tribes used various words to describe various genders, sexes and sexualities. Many had separate words for the Western constructs of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, intersex individuals, cross-dressers, transgenders, gender-variant individuals, or "changing ones," third genders (men who live as women), and fourth genders (women who live as men) Even these categories are limiting, because they are based on Western language and ideas rooted in a dichotomous relationship between gender, sex, and sexuality. This language barrier limits our understanding of the traditional roles within Native American/First Nations culture.

It implies that the individual is both male and female and that these aspects are intertwined within them. The term moves away from traditional Native American/First Nations cultural identities and meanings of sexuality and gender variance. It does not take into account the terms and meanings from individual nations and tribes. ... Although two-spirit implies to some a spiritual nature, that one holds the spirit of two, both male and female, traditional Native Americans/First Nations peoples view this as a Western concept.

Several First Nations people describe themselves as very much unitary, neither "male" nor "female," much less a pair in one body. Nor did they report an assumption of duality within one body as a common concept within reservation communities; rather, people confided dismay at the Western proclivity for dichotomies. Outside Indo-European-speaking societies, "gender" would not be relevant to the social personae glosses "men" and "women," and "third gender" likely would be meaningless. The unsavory word "berdache" certainly ought to be ditched (Jacobs et al. 1997:3-5), but the urban American neologism "two-spirit" can be misleading.

With the urbanization and assimilation of Native peoples, individuals began utilizing Western terms, concepts, and identities, such as gay, lesbian, transgender, and intersex. These terms separated Native cultural identity from sexuality and gender identity, furthering a disconnect felt by many Native American/First Nations peoples in negotiating the boundaries of life between two worlds (Native and non-Native/Western). The term two-spirited was created to reconnect one's gender or sexual identity with her or his Native identity and culture....

Some Native Americans/First Nations people that hold to more traditional religious and cultural values view two-spirit as a cultural and social term, rather than one with any religious or spiritual meaning. ... Since historically, many "two-spirit" individuals held religious or spiritual roles, the term two spirit creates a disconnection from the past. The terms used by other tribes currently and historically do not translate directly into the English form of two spirit or the Ojibwe form of niizh manidoowag.

While some have found the term a useful tool for intertribal organizing, "the concept and word two-spirit has no traditional cultural significance".

With over 500 surviving Native American cultures, attitudes about sex and gender can be diverse.^[4] Even with the modern adoption of pan-Indian terms like two-spirit, and the creation of a modern pan-Indian community around this naming, not all cultures will perceive two-spirits the same way, or welcome a pan-Indian term to replace the terms already in use by their cultures. Additionally, not all contemporary Indigenous communities are supportive of their gender-variant and non-heterosexual people now. In these communities, those looking for two-spirit community have sometimes faced oppression and rejection. While existing terminology in many nations shows historical acknowledgement of differing sexual orientations and gender expressions, members of some these nations have also said that while variance was accepted, they never had separate or defined roles for these members of the community. Among the Indigenous communities that traditionally have roles for two-spirit people, specific terms in their own languages are used for the social and spiritual roles these individuals fulfill

How can I best find a daddy?

A Twitter follower DM'ed me this question today, and I have some insight and a little bit of history how I found the two greatest loves of my life.

As I said in a previous post I met my first lover in a gay bar. I was a cocktail waiter, he was a stripper. i was not quite 19 he was 36. We had three wonderful years before he died of AIDS in 1988. I wasn't even 21 when he died, and it left me totally destroyed.

The second man I met in 1992 because he took care of a mutual friend that died of AIDS in his home, surrounded by friends and family. We met because I wanted to make a panel for him for the AIDS Quilt. We hit it off instantly, had a commitment ceremony the following year and were together for 10 glorious years before he died of HIV Complications.

Years ago you cruised bars, baths, parks, gay campgrounds, the beaches, even grocery stores, or any were gay men gathered. The Advocate and other gay magazines and newspapers had ads in them--- way before internet. Friends would introduce you to men, set up blind dates. Some LGBTQ community centers would have single nights. It seemed easier.

Then the internet, changed everything. The advancement of cell phones changed the dating landscape even more. Some say for the better, some say for the worse. I guess it depends on your point of view, and if you're wanting a hook up, versus a date, versus something much longer. 

I think upfront honesty is key. An open dialogue sets the stage to wherever your connection takes you. Lay out your wants, needs, desires, even fantasies. I know it's risky, but it could pay off big time in the long haul. I'm still a bit "old fashioned" in meeting people, a few hook ups online, but I'm more the type to strike up a conversation in person wherever it is we run into each other, especially if it's clearly a "gay" area. I've had a few friends try to set me up too, god bless them for trying. I think it's hard to have good dialogue online, but maybe that's me, and maybe it's because I'm 54 and not 24. Mind you not that 54 is over the hill, as it is not. But social media has seriously impacted they way we connect with other people for the better and for the worse. Nothing beats getting together with friends at your home over food in my opinion. You can't really do that on your cell or laptop.

There are so many options to with gay groups like" baseball, bowling, football, gay pride events or volunteer or help organize the event, gay support groups---- you get the idea. Bars are still an option if you ask me, gay friendly churches from Metropolitan Community Churches, to gay groups in Jewish temples to even Dignity a gay Catholic group.

Get yourself out there, and fun. I always found for me, that I found love when I wasn't even really looking.

Does it matter if the bottom cums?

Does it matter if the bottom cums?

Once again I'm compelled to answer something I saw on Twitter in the form of a poll. I feel as if there is something to say. There are a few answers to this question in my opinion.

First, from a truly submissive point of view, and as a bottom, the first answer to this is, ONLY if the tops would want us to. I know that seems a bit vague first reading it, but from a truly submissive point of view, and desiring to totally please our tops with our boypussy or mouth alone, it is our goal is to please them and not ourselves. So if the top wishes us to ejaculate then, and only then, will we take the initiative to do so. For some of us that may mean we want him to do it for us, and for others it would mean asking if we could do it ourselves.

Next, some of us may do so hands free. Yes, it's possible. Some of us dribble it, while others actually shoot a totally hands free load, and some of us may do it while being completely limp. Some of us maybe hard the entire time, others will not get hard at all and either in my opinion is ok. It's a state of mind in my thinking. I'm normally the later, being limp the entire time.

Which brings me to my next point on this topic? I don't get hard because, for me, my entire thought process and being is wrapped up in my using my boypussy to everything it needs to do to bring my top to climax, and hopefully in me. As in a previous post I talked about how I feel it is my job as the pussy to do that every time and the effects and affects it has on me when it doesn't happen. It's not that I'm not enjoying the sex, for I am----but because my boypussy is my primary sex organ not my dick. My dick is an after thought. The affects of that actually causes me and my boypussy to get wet. Yes it does that.

For some tops, I'm going to assume two things: the first they love a limp bottom because they realize that bottom is putting everything he has--- mind, body, soul, spirit and energy--- into his pussy. The flip side of that is the tops that hate it, and think they aren't doing their job right. Honey, you are doing job; your fucking our boypussy but good, we hope, and we all respond differently it is not you trust me on this. Do your job, while we do ours.

Ok, medically speaking: Here's some important information to consider

Despite what you may have heard, edging — deliberately delaying your orgasm — isn’t harmful. This technique is also known as orgasm control. Although it’s more common among people who have a penis, anyone can benefit from it. People who practice edging bring themselves to the brink, or edge, of climax, then back off for several seconds or minutes. You can choose to climax at this point, or you may back off yet again. The number of times you stop an ejaculation is up to you.

The goal is to maintain masturbation or partner sex for a longer period of time. You may also choose to delay your orgasm until your partner is ready to climax. Edging is just one way to make masturbation or partner sex last longer. While not true for everyone, people who have a penis often reach climax more easily than people who don't. In some cases, climax may occur within a few minutes of penetration. For male to male this includes oral and anal. Edging is a way to naturally extend sexual activity. Edging can allow you to exert more control over your own orgasm. This may allow you to prolong solo or partner play, help prevent premature ejaculation, and more. 

However, men who ejaculate often may have a lower risk of prostate cancer than their peers who don’t do it as frequently, a U.S. study suggests. Researchers followed about 32,000 men starting in 1992 when they were in their 20s and continuing through 2010. During this period, almost 4,000 of the men were diagnosed with prostate cancer. Men who ejaculated at least 21 times a month in their 20s were 19 percent less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer than men who ejaculated no more than seven times a month, the study found. Men who ejaculated more often in their 40s were 22 percent less likely to get a prostate cancer diagnosis.

“Ejaculation frequency is, to some extent, a measure of overall health status in that men at the very low end of ejaculation – 0 to 3 times per month – were more likely to have other (medical problems) and die prematurely from causes other than prostate cancer,” said lead study author Jennifer Rider, who did the analysis while working at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health in Boston. 

Rider went on to say, “While our findings should be confirmed in studies that evaluate the potential biological mechanisms underlying the observed associations, the results of our study suggest that ejaculation and safe sexual activity throughout adulthood could be a beneficial strategy for reducing the risk of prostate cancer." Prostate cancer accounts for 15 percent of all new cancer diagnoses worldwide, the researchers note in the journal European Urology. Established risk factors like age, race and family history are not "modifiable," they add, and there are few lifestyle changes that can be recommended to men to lower risk.

The association between ejaculation frequency and cancer is also strongest for men without symptoms of prostate tumors such as pain or urinary difficulties that are already at low-risk for these malignancies, said Dr. Behfar Ehdaie, a urology specialist at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York who wasn’t involved in the study.

“If ejaculation frequency was truly a causal factor for prostate cancer development, we would expect to find the association across all prostate cancer risk categories,” Ehdaie said by email. It’s also too soon to weigh the merits of sex as a tool for cancer prevention, said Siobhan Sutcliffe, a cancer researcher at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis.

Frequent ejaculation through sex or masturbation probably results from other factors that contribute to good health, such as a healthy diet and normal weight, which might also lower the risk of cancer, said Dr. John Gore, a urology researcher at the University of Washington in Seattle who wasn’t involved in the study. “I do not think we need to tell men `if you don’t use it, you lose it,’” Gore said by email. “If lower ejaculation frequency prompts a man to schedule a visit with a primary care provider or specialist, and that visit serves to examine and promote preventive care and wellness, then that would be a successful application of the results of this study.”

Why would a top pull out and come on my back/on my stomach?

I'm pissed. Why would a top pull out and come on my back/on my stomach? I mean, he already fucks me bare...why not fill me pussy up? Or, my mouth. I swallow.

I saw this question on Twitter, in my feed and I knew I wanted to answer this very badly; as I feel many ask this question and at times far too often and many times. As a "fellow bottom" over the decades I've asked my self this question and it always deeply bothers me when it happens. I've always barebacked. It is a rare occasion a condom goes in my pussy, but when it does I get it guys are scared, still forty years later into a disease. I try not to take that personally either, especially in hook up encounters where very little is said about anything.

Personally, even in gay porn, I hate when a top pulls out cums across a guys back or ass, and then tries to shove it back in. It seems a huge waste to me. But porn, I guess it's to easy to fake it, guys want to see the money shot; with all of that said I'd rather see drip out of a guys pussy then anything. But even that seems a waste to me as well. So many of cherish the sperm we get in us, we try to keep it in us as long as possible and I get it. We worked for it, we earned it, it's ours now and we aren't letting go.

For me, personally, my goal, if he is barebacking me, it to do everything in my power to get him to breed and or seed me. It proves to me he enjoyed the fuck, my pussy, and I did everything right to "earn" it. He doesn't do it, then I see it as my fault for not doing something right and I take that "burden" on myself.

The VERY rare occasion I have topped, I make a deposit too. Because I don't want that bottom feeling what I feel. However, I'll do my best here to try to give some answers as to why they may pull out.

Maybe the top likes seeing his load on a guys ass, balls, chest face or wherever that isn't internal.

Maybe he thinks you may not want bred, even if you are barebacking. Believe it or not all bareback bottoms want bred. Many reasons, I'm sure.

Maybe he likes shoving it back in.

Maybe he wants you to swallow it instead. Or a facial.

Or  who knows why.

Maybe we should simply say in the midst of the fuck, "breed me. Don't pull out." Problem solved hopefully, but then again because you said it the top may feel like depriving you of what you want most of all. It seems like a mind game now that I think about it.

For many of us yes we're thankful we get fucked, realize it is up to the top to do what he does and our needs matter little to them; and some of us get off on that as well. However, others of us end up feeling worse then we did before even fantastic sex. For me, and this is just me, I do want want them cumming in me; but I know deep down it's about them, not me or my wants or quite frankly my pussy. They breed me, well, it's just icing on the cake.

Ever run across bugchasers or guys that have a poz fetish?

This question is one I've never been asked before, so this might be a lengthy post, and I truly hope you stick around and read the full answer to that.

I've stated I am about to turn 54 in November. The sixteenth to be exact. The very first news story about HIV/AIDS, as it is called now was May 18th, 1981, while the first clinical AIDS case reported was June 5th, 1981. I was a mere 15 years old. In small town Ohio, population 2,000. What did I know, or for that matter, what did any of us know?

I've never had sex with a woman ever, never kissed one sexually either. I was 18 almost 19 the first time I ever had sex with a man, that was 1985. I knew I was going to bottom, even then I knew it was what I wanted. What I needed. We met at a gay bar. I was a cocktail waiter, he was a stripper. He was also 36. He was gorgeous, I was a naive kid in living for the first time in a big city. He bred me that first time, and every night and most mornings after that for three years. In time we became lovers with an open relationship, that included a former boyfriend of his, a gay bar owner. We became a throuple. They both bred me daily and sometimes more. We used to have small home orgies with friends every weekend. No more than 3 or 4 bottoms, myself included, and about 15 to 20 tops. Needless to say I got bred a lot.

There was no conversation about HIV/AIDS, or as it was called then GRID--- Gay Related Immune Deficiency. It seems we knew so little, took so few precautions and just simply fucked. It was about a good time. Booze, pills, pot, poppers and my pussy flooded. By mid 1986 the bar owner had died and a few friends from the community but life went on. By 1988 my lover died a mere 90 pounds and blind from kaposi sarcoma. His death trigged a cocaine addiction I battled till I was 26.

Moving from one big city to another, didn't stop me. Between the drinking and the cocaine I was at the baths, pussy up 3-4 times a week 10 hour stays each time, no top denied. Many times being to high to remember what or who I did.

I say all of this because now looking back at, even in those earliest days it was unspoken, unacknowledged, unaware fucking. Was I bug chasing, some could say yes, others could say no. I'm not sure. It was never a conversation that happened. Ever. It was the baths we were there to fuck, end of story. By July 16th, 1991 however I was diagnosed HIV positive and a year later it was Full Blown AIDS with six months to live.

However I met the huge love of my life, dried out, got on the right meds and lived through it 29 years later. But those first seven weeks of my life with my husband we went to 47 funerals of gay men with HIV/AIDS. It was fucking hell. And by 2002, when my husband of 10 years died of HIV Complications, I stopped counting the number of dead, at 600 lives.

So, who am I to judge anyone on anything. HIV/AIDS is completely different now, thank god. Lots of meds, normal life spans, life long chronic disease even. There's even prep. But did I make a conscience decision to get it, I honestly don't know. Some think once they get it, noting to worry about. That might not be the case as nobody, anywhere is studying the long term effects of this disease or the drugs. So there will be entire generations behind me living longer than I ever will with it that or left to their own defenses. Talk about fucked up.

True there is one less disease to worry about once your poz, but then it is t-cell counts and viral loads. People still die, even here in the USA of HIV/AIDS every day for various reasons. People are still contracting, and to a degree I can understand it, to another I can't. However, with that said, I can't imagine my life without it. It has literally made me into the man I am today. Kind, compassionate, caring, understanding, empathetic, loving, supportive, a shoulder to cry on and I don't know if I could be all of those things or not without this disease impacting my life, and my own body.

I'm not here to judge anyone, I cant, as they say, "Throw the first stone", as many more stones would come my own way. There are risks, there are complications, and even challenges. Would I do it all over again? I'm not sure about that either. I can't undo what was done. I can only move forward.

My big thing here though, I really want to stress is, if you are undetectable it also means you are UNTRANSMITTABLE! Meaning HIV/AIDS is not given or taken by you whether you top or bottom. Of course strains of HIV/AIDS also carry what medications you can be or not be on, but that bridge can be crossed. There are long time survivors like myself who can share experiences, advice, friendship and yes some of us, not all of us, only "play" with other poz guys. It's called serosorting. Is it right, who knows?

There are times I wish I didn't have AIDS, but I have beat the odds. I've lived. It has been filled with joy and pain, but so is life as a whole. If you're newly diagnosed I'm here for you. If you're a fellow longtime survivor I'm here for you. If your unsure I'm here for you too. It can be scary. It can be daunting. But I'm not about to tell anybody to do, or not do anything. It's between you, and your conscience, or your god, if you believe in one, in the first place.