Interview: @goodgurl4man

First I want to apologize fir not posting this great interview with @goodgurl4man ... also known as Nicky... sooner, but 8 days in hospital (end of August thru the first part of September) sets one behind schedule, but I adore their account and the content so I thought insight into Nicky would benefit readers and I hope it does. I also felt their content reflect my ideology and the way I tweet. All of the images in this post is from their Twitter feed. It is my hope you all enjoy this as much as I did. Their Twitter account describes the feed as:

I’m a boiwife, sissy, bottomgurl. I’m very submissive and obedient to my alphas (still need some training).

PB: Let's start simply. Do you have a Daddy/husband/lover or are you single gurl serving Alpha's at large?

Nicky: I am a single girl unfortunately. I am looking for a Daddy/someone to call me their girlfriend but it’s a bit hard. The dating scene isn’t super “diverse” for where I live and people online I feel only want me for kink purposes or for my nudes. This is understandable though seeing as I post porn. But I’m just saying, ironically, I haven’t found much luck finding a good “Daddy” on Twitter either. However, I do consider I’m serving alphas at large by producing the content I do. I’ve gotten quite a few gays/bottoms/gurls telling me I helped them find their way and realize who they truly are and what they want out of a relationship/kink dynamic and I think that’s super cool and I’m honored to be that person for many. Is that response appropriate length or should it be shorter/longer

PB: No that response is great. I love when others tell me too that what I tweet or blog have helped and some really go into detail on how I've done that. It felt like 2 years ago, and three Twitter accounts account like I was in a very small group of people tweeting the way I was, but I felt it was so important because there can be SO much negativity that can be geared at what for some can be construed as too much effeminate behavior. I think that's their problem and not mine. It's there own underlying insecurity about themselves and not about you at all. I had a great husband/Daddy, didn't fully realize for whatever reason fully everything I had and to the degree I had until he died last year and that has been very painful to say the least. IT was also when all of my views of myself became crystal clear; that's been a bit easier. AS I said in a very recent post on the blog not all bottoms are pussyboys, not all pussyboys adopt feminine language for the rest of their sexual parts, and not all pussyboys see themselves as gurls either. I know I'm way more than just a bottom. There's this whole submissive girly side to myself that I'm really beginning to love. Having been called a boi-wife, seen as his gurl and for me I wish it had come much earlier than it had. I'm wondering when did all of the pieces fall into place for you?

Nicky: Well it’s unfortunate that your husband passed away. It can be very rare for bottoms to find that special Daddy they need in their lives and then for them to lose him really sucks. It all started for me maybe at like 15 when I would lurk on tumblr and I came across chastity. I was already intrigued by bdsm and the general dynamic of a dom and sub relationship. I remember coming across a cartoon photo of a twink raising his shirt to find a chastity cage and a man with a huge bulge smirking. I thought that was so hot. That same account also had a guy in lingerie and I thought that was super appealing as well. I was bullied a lot when I was younger so I guess my brain kinda developed a kink for wanting to be humiliated and I guess that can be seen in the chastity kink. I also have been discouraged from feminine things as a child so for a man to encourage that in me when I men have been the ones bullying me for it feels like ecstasy. Having daddy issues also help reinforce my need for a Daddy. I like being coddled but still in a humiliating (condescending) way like the way I portray in my posts. I guess it’s a mix of what I’m used to (being bullied) and what I want (to be protected and cared for). I don’t know if any of that really made sense but that’s what’s in my head. If want me to clarify further or connect some more dots let me know.

PB: I'm not much for shame, guilt or humiliation but I get why others are as we're all so vastly different. For me so much has happened the last 2 1/2 years.

Nicky: Yeah I suppose for me it’s being underneath a man and being his. I guess humiliation can be a way that that can be done.

PB: I think for me it's that loving, caring, supportive aspect that draws me to a man. That you're closest to him, more honest in many ways. That old fairytale idea of getting to the point of finishing each other sentences. But I know that's not for everybody either. I just think there's so much shame to being viewed as to effeminate. The whole: "no fats, no fems, no Asians, no this, not that...blah.. blah.. blah" thing that really irks me to no end. As you said when a man notices it in us though it is ecstasy. Have you gotten to the point though where you're comfortable on your own-- that is your mind. Are you ok now being viewed differently and if so what got you there?

Nicky: Well I totally agree with the fairytale theory. I definitely do dream of a perfect relationship where I’m my man’s girlfriend and we cuddle all the time and want to everything together. I cook for him give him massages and he takes me out and protects me. Of course that’s the dream. And yeah people being very picky in the sense of saying no fems and no fats no this no that is super annoying. I don’t think I understand what you mean on your own can you elaborate so I can better answer.

PB: I guess what I was asking is are coping ok being single, as so many say you can't really begin to love anyone else until you love yourself. I'm not sure about that though...

Nicky: I know that’s a sentiment that gets passed along and I definitely understand that. If you find yourself and who you are in another person you could be subject to codependency and you’ll feel lost without that person. But the reality of the situation is girls like me need that validation. We need to feel it from someone else and feeling it from a man is the best thing in the world. I do feel lonely being single but I still have my wits about me not to get with just anyone. But I really do hope I find a man to embrace me for who I am and encourage me to be the way I am. Hopefully see me as his girl and love every moment of it. So of course I am coping with it but I do feel like I should be under a man and his guidance and be his “boiwife” in a sense. I guess it can also stem from the daddy issues like I said. Because I never received that male validation when I was younger, I seek it now.

PB: I strongly believe that girls like us absolutely need that validation from the man we are with and I completely back up your thoughts when we lose it. As you may know I lost my Husband/Daddy of 18 wonderful years last July and the anguish I've been in since then has been unsurmountable. I've become a drunk because of the lose. It's the only way I've coped and it frightens me because I know my Daddy would put me over his knee, bare butt up and spank me something terrible for doing that. But after all those years, I don't know who I am alone and I'm seeing how deeply he understood me in ways I thought he had not. He was telling me in his words and his ways and not necessarily in the way I wanted them said or done and I missed a lot of it until he passed away. That pain has only added to my loss and it is something we never talk about in a Dom/sub Daddy/boi or gurl relationship. Unfortunately at some time we all face it as nobody lives forever but I wish we could talk about it more. I wish my husband and i talked about it more as well, say all of the things we left unspoken even to the degree of how our relationship and marriage was. The night for me are still the very worst and the loneliness, I can't even form the words to describe that and as a writer that is terrifying.

Nicky: Yeah that is such a horrible thing to go through. And that’s what I mean by codependency. Because even though it is great to get validation from men it is very important to have a sense of self outside of them for the instance that things don’t work out or other circumstances that take them out of our lives. And hat unhealthy attachment can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms as you’ve witnesses yourself. So while I know that a man’s validation love and acceptance can feel like ecstasy and it’s something I hope I get to experience someday, I know that just like any other drug, the withdrawal can be hard.

PB: I didn't and still don't see it as a bad thing. It was a lot of things learning after-- how much I really meant to him, that he did see me the way I wanted to, moving from our home because it was in a survivorship, finding which which has been extremely hard, friends who turn out to be jerks, not having feedback on decision making it's been so much. I think, for us, we depended on each other so much like a lot couples these days. Makes you wonder, or at least me, how much of this is this "1950's submissive housewife" mentality.

Nicky: Yeah well that’s really good that it was positive for you. And yeah it all is very reminiscent of a 50s housewife kinda lifestyle. I know it can get controversial because that era is heavily criticized for its misogyny but it really does fit in the mold of what girls like us want. We want to be seen as girl, at least by our man, and we want to serve him as such. We want to be the girl in the relationship. Clean for him; this can be very therapeutic for us. Cook for him; I’m such a feeder I love seeing a man eat my cooking. Massage him; I love giving guys massages and they often tell me how good it feels. And there’s lots more but yes we do romanticize that type of lifestyle because it seems to really be the backbone of the dynamic we seek.

PB: Can we talk a lil bit about the differences we may both see between: bottoms, pussybo's, good gurls & submissive's & the cross over some of them may have. It's something I don't think a lot of talk about.

Nicky: Well I think pussyboys and good girls aren’t necessarily distinctly different I believe. I think the specific differences are found from boiwives/gurls, bottoms, and submissive. The most simple one is a bottom. That is just someone who happens to be in he bottom position. It’s someone who likes to be on he receiving end of sex. A submissive is someone who likes to be on the receiving end of a dominant dynamic with someone. Someone who likes to obey or be made to obey. People who are submissive don’t have to be bottoms but you would find that hey are often bottoms. Boiwives or good gurls are submissive bottoms but the hint that makes them different is that they view their position in the dynamic as that of a girl. So someone with a Pussy or calling the penis a clit. The submissive nature can be found in obviously their sex life, but also their normal life. So if hey go out hey might hold hands and embrace each other in a way that makes it obvious to everyone around hem who the “girl” in the relationship is. It’s obeying him even outside of “kink”. Those are he main differences in my opinion.

PB: When or how, or maybe it involves both did you figure out you were a good girl?

Nicky: I’d probably say it was when I was on tumblr. Like I said I realized that those feminine boys who were protected by their men but still served them was something I wanted. I envied the way straight men cared for the girlfriends. I wanted the type of relationship that you’d see with masculine men and feminine women. But I didn’t envy the position of the man. I envied the position of the woman. Being treated like a girlfriend. Being princess carried and coddled the way you see in the movies was something I really wanted for myself.

PB: I completely understand that idea. I think it's something we all want as "effeminate men". I embrace that part fully now; I think I did way earlier but I may not have understood it as I do now. At 56 I have so much insight into my life now. This phase with tumblr, how old were you if I can ask?

Nicky: Haha I was pretty young I think I hot have been 15.

PB: See I wish I had that opportunity to view a whole bigger gay world at the age; but 1982 didn't have those options then 7 especially in the middle of no where country-ville Ohio.... think smaller than Mayberry <lol>.

Nicky: Right I’m sure. The internet does allow more access for these things so that people can find who they are and how to express these things.

PB: Did having male/male sex that first time help make things clearer than they were before sex? And if so, how so?

Nicky: Well I don’t think I could really say lol cuz I’m still a virgin.

PB: That’s interesting. But than again so much of what we’ve talked about is so much more than just sex and it seems like a lot of times a lot of people miss that.

Nicky: Yeah it really is deeper than just sex and it could be seen as something super sexual which it understandably is but it’s more than that.

PB: Could you expand on that a lil, as I think readers would be really interested in knowing what you mean by that, myself included.

Nicky: Yeah well I just think that being a boiwife is more than a sex thing, it encompasses the dynamic you have up with your man, it’s the feeling of protectiveness from the man and servitude from the gurl that makes the boiwife thing so appealing. Like you just assumed I had a sex before when I haven’t and it’s an assumption made by quite a few on here but it’s because I don’t need to have sex to know that this is what I want, it’s just something I know.

PB: You're right in calling me out about my assumption, but your vision seems so clear & concise to me that for me it made sense you had had sex, my mistake. For you to realize so much I think is a feat many who even have sex don't get and that says a lot about you; and yes you are right in that does encompass a whole dynamic. Heck, even I've written about that here, and that is way more beyond sex. What I find interesting is that when you do have sex with a man, the type you want I think you're point of view will only solidify hopefully what becomes a beautiful relationship as it may not take as much "training" as they say of you as his submissive if that makes any sense.

Nicky: Yes I totally understand that. I do imagine my views will only be more solidified and cemented. It will be a very beautiful experience for me to have and give myself to a man and let him inside me and for him to allow me to be his girl in that moment. It’s an experience I’m looking forward to.

PB: When & why did you start tweeting the way you do? And what keeps you motivated to continue?

Nicky: I’m not sure when I did but I did it because I’m a pretty good writer and I thought it would be cool for me to do. It’s cool to look at a photo and put your own kinky spin on it with a nicely written caption. Bringing photos to life with words is such a cool craft and I love doing that. It can be a drag to try and keep up with posting and I wish I could post more frequently but I’d probably say the feedback is what keeps me going. It can sometimes feel like you’re putting in a lot of work and putting it out into a void but when people like and comment it can feel like I’m actually doing something that’s being heard by people. My sisters and and alphas that interact are really what keep this account going.

PB: The feedback for me too has been incredible both from my fellow "sisters" and Daddies. Like you I wish there was more time to fully round out my twitter experience, but there's only so many hours n the day... you know. So final question, What's the one or two big pieces of advice you could give.

Nicky: My biggest piece of advice would probably be to do what’s right for you. I can post what I want and guide my sisters all day long but the fact of the matter is there is no rule book or blueprint that has to be followed. Some girls might not like being called “girls” but still want to be a boiwife. Some sisters are actually trans and their identity has nothing to do with kink or a man. Some people might never want to touch their clit and lock up in chastity, some might want their clit to be touched a lot during sex. There’s so many combinations and so many ways it can work for there to just be one way of thinking. Do what’s right for you and find someone who will encourage what’s right for you. Kink is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. Finding yourself and your identity should be an opening experience not one that shuts you down or makes you feel bad. So find what works for you and enjoy the ride.